Yes these are my sentiments hours after I''ve finished my bought-lunch at work. I should have known better: I was eyeing off that meat in the Thai Chicken sandwich, and I REALLY should have known better than to trust the guy behind the counter. Of COURSE he was going to praise it and say it was the best sandwich since sliced bread was invented. Oh well.
Perhaps it doesn't help that today is a 43 degree day, and every time I step out to have a break from work, I come back in minutes later feeling even MORE tired and deflated, as if the weekend's heat, busy-ness and lack of sleep wasn't enough on it's own.
In reference to some of the stuff I mentioned in my last blogs......
Well on Saturday my bestie Red ended up coming over, just a spur of the moment thing. It was nice and I guess showed me what I needed to see and feel, which is that she cares, irregardless of where she spent her New Years Eve. And there was no mention of her boy being upset at anything I may have said (!) so that was good.
Saw my extended family yesterday, inclusive of talk-too-much cousin AND Legs, closely followed by Fake, as always. It was deflating for me once again to see them together, knowing that everything I've done for Legs over the years, with all the help, assistance and guidance I've provided in all aspects of her life, not to mention the fun and adventures we've had, is overthrown by a meddling cousin who only wants to be her bridesmaid in order to get closer to her fiance/family/every male relative she has.
So, I felt a bit sad, but I take comfort in one thing my mum said, something I truly believe in: the truth will come out in the end. If a person has bad intentions, there is no need to become "justice" and lay the law down on them. The Universe will do that for itself.
I've trusted in the Universe before and it has not failed me. So I need to stay focused and just let things unravel in their own time.
Back to work.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Friday, January 8, 2010
My ANGER Management - Part 2
Episode 3. One of the things I mentioned a few blogs ago, was the non-invite we received. This came (or should I say didn't come) from my bestie's boyfriend. Let's call her Red, and him, Wine.
I love them both dearly, and it hurts me to say I've been disappointed, by them out of all people. The simple fact is, they organised a NYE without us, with ALL of Wine's friends, and when I asked what they were doing, Red was upset that they'd forgotten to invite us. I believe it was selfishness, on Wine's behalf, that prevented him from remembering us, because a good month to two months earlier, we were sitting near him and his friends as they discussed this NYE evening they were planning, and back then I didn't know it was NYE they were talking about, only when I 'd heard of their plans days after Christmas did I put two and two together.
Now, as for my bestie, Red, I know she can be forgetful. But then, the other night, as we were talking amongst a larger group of friends, I heard her say "you can't get everyone together." That just shits me because I heard Wine count off about a dozen other names that were there. Gee, funny that. I thought it was heard to get everyone together. Yet, all of Wine's friends were there. Hmmmm. Maybe something to do with being invited.
Yes I am very sour. For many reasons. Hubbie and I are always asking around, seeing who is doing what for NYE, yet somehow, other people (minus a few family members) always forget us. And then when you're forgotten from your own best friend..... It makes you feel sad.
On top of the fact that your best friend and her boyfriend, are now suddenly all bum-chummy with HIS best friend and girlfriend, and it's like "oh, sorry, do we move over now and get thrown in the gutter because there's someone new in town?"
Episode 4. Sigh. At the end of the day, it's fear. Fear of losing someone close. It's that fear that's brought about an increased anger towards Wine from me, and the other night, as he was giving my Hubbie shit, I, in a subtle however letting-you-know way, told him to back off. I just got pissed off. Don't you go stirring him, you don't have that right. You've diminished the value of our friendship by not giving us respect, don't go acting all male bonding and I-get-you, you-get-me back sorta way.
He was soooo silent towards me for the rest of the night, that I kinda felt bad, and then I was like, "why do I bloody have to speak, and piss people off?!" But they pissed me off first! It is so irritating. I wanted him to take it as a joke, and not hear me say it with venom and intention. But alas, it failed. I'm sure Red will tell him I was only joking. And I pray that's the case, as we don't need more drama to fuel our already-fiery friendship.
Episode 5. This is a big one. Connected to my wine-related blog from a while back, as it's this person's partner that is also contributing to my dismay.
Let us call them Mouth and Moody.
This is the worst one in fact. Because when it's got to do with someone in your family, in particular, someone in your Hubbie's family, it makes things that much harder to settle.
My ongoing problem with Mouth and Moody, which has significantly increased in scale from the moment they met my family, is that with Mouth, she:
talks about herself constantly, including bullshit stories like how many pieces of toast she had, etc
is selfish
competitive
is constantly comparing everything in her life to everyone else's
is always right
Moody is:
as the name suggests, VERY moody
is only in a good mood when it suits him
treats his family and extended family VERY well, but when it comes to his in-laws, is quite rude.
when generally talking or giving advice, comes across as arrogant, dogmatic and condescending
an all-round smart arse
"But at the end of the day, their heart is in the right place."
I say this sooooooooooo apathetically. Because, and this is my HUGE dilemma, just because a person is 'good' or has a 'good heart' or is generally 'well-intentioned,' and hey, let's even say not an axe murderer, it does not give them the right to treat others bad, or to think they are above everyone else and that they should ge given the green card to do or say anything that they please.
So, when in company, what do I do? I hear them. I see them. And internally I flinch and I vomit. I grimace and look away. I don't make eye contact and I've pulled away slightly, in order to avoid a confrontation. And I'm scared and worried and I feel sick, because all I can think about lately, is future confrontations. Because although these people are shitting me up the wall, and it's like clutching at straws to find a positive quality about them, I can't say anything. Because when it's not your family, there is an invisible line of stitchwork imposed just over your lips, that restricts you from saying anything bad about a family that's not yours. Someone within that family can say all they like, but you can not say boo.
There have been 2 separate occasions as of late, well, actually, 3, including last night, where I know my pulled-back behaviour has become apparent to them. And there are things they are saying, in reference to the importance of family, that I find quite ironic. Don't have to tell us to keep family close, when they are the ones who are pushing us away with their anti-social and negative behaviour. With people who can only see others faults, and not their own, I honestly don't know what the answer is. Where do you look to find the solution to a problem that doesn't seem to have any answers that don't include yelling, accusations and tears?
So as you can see, the last few months have made me angry and hostile towards many people in my life. And I honestly hate that. Because I'm not that person. I'm happy, and positive about life, and like having fun. I don't like to concentrate on bad news, I don't like to speak bad about others, I believe in Karma and the Universe's energy, which is why I focus on the good things. But lately that's all gone down the drain as I've become increasingly agitated.
So what do I do? Do I let my problems go, give them up and hope the situations come back to me all fixed, or replaced? Do I forget about it and just see what happens, watch how the events play themselves out? My fear of letting go and trying to forget about these episodes and subsequent people involved, is that I may just explode in the near future from confining these feelings of sadness, frustration, fear, disappointment and anger within me. If I don't let it out, how will it go away? Lately I'm loving work, because being immersed with it makes me forget about all these freaking annoying people in my life lately!
I'm being tested big time. It's what I do in this situation that will show what I'm made of. I need to think things through. It's gonna be a big weekend, however I think I will prescribe myself a solar relaxation session tomorrow afternoon, (otherwise known as sun tanning) and let the Universe work the rest out for me.
That will have to be my Anger Management Course for now. This may or may not be continued.
I love them both dearly, and it hurts me to say I've been disappointed, by them out of all people. The simple fact is, they organised a NYE without us, with ALL of Wine's friends, and when I asked what they were doing, Red was upset that they'd forgotten to invite us. I believe it was selfishness, on Wine's behalf, that prevented him from remembering us, because a good month to two months earlier, we were sitting near him and his friends as they discussed this NYE evening they were planning, and back then I didn't know it was NYE they were talking about, only when I 'd heard of their plans days after Christmas did I put two and two together.
Now, as for my bestie, Red, I know she can be forgetful. But then, the other night, as we were talking amongst a larger group of friends, I heard her say "you can't get everyone together." That just shits me because I heard Wine count off about a dozen other names that were there. Gee, funny that. I thought it was heard to get everyone together. Yet, all of Wine's friends were there. Hmmmm. Maybe something to do with being invited.
Yes I am very sour. For many reasons. Hubbie and I are always asking around, seeing who is doing what for NYE, yet somehow, other people (minus a few family members) always forget us. And then when you're forgotten from your own best friend..... It makes you feel sad.
On top of the fact that your best friend and her boyfriend, are now suddenly all bum-chummy with HIS best friend and girlfriend, and it's like "oh, sorry, do we move over now and get thrown in the gutter because there's someone new in town?"
Episode 4. Sigh. At the end of the day, it's fear. Fear of losing someone close. It's that fear that's brought about an increased anger towards Wine from me, and the other night, as he was giving my Hubbie shit, I, in a subtle however letting-you-know way, told him to back off. I just got pissed off. Don't you go stirring him, you don't have that right. You've diminished the value of our friendship by not giving us respect, don't go acting all male bonding and I-get-you, you-get-me back sorta way.
He was soooo silent towards me for the rest of the night, that I kinda felt bad, and then I was like, "why do I bloody have to speak, and piss people off?!" But they pissed me off first! It is so irritating. I wanted him to take it as a joke, and not hear me say it with venom and intention. But alas, it failed. I'm sure Red will tell him I was only joking. And I pray that's the case, as we don't need more drama to fuel our already-fiery friendship.
Episode 5. This is a big one. Connected to my wine-related blog from a while back, as it's this person's partner that is also contributing to my dismay.
Let us call them Mouth and Moody.
This is the worst one in fact. Because when it's got to do with someone in your family, in particular, someone in your Hubbie's family, it makes things that much harder to settle.
My ongoing problem with Mouth and Moody, which has significantly increased in scale from the moment they met my family, is that with Mouth, she:
talks about herself constantly, including bullshit stories like how many pieces of toast she had, etc
is selfish
competitive
is constantly comparing everything in her life to everyone else's
is always right
Moody is:
as the name suggests, VERY moody
is only in a good mood when it suits him
treats his family and extended family VERY well, but when it comes to his in-laws, is quite rude.
when generally talking or giving advice, comes across as arrogant, dogmatic and condescending
an all-round smart arse
"But at the end of the day, their heart is in the right place."
I say this sooooooooooo apathetically. Because, and this is my HUGE dilemma, just because a person is 'good' or has a 'good heart' or is generally 'well-intentioned,' and hey, let's even say not an axe murderer, it does not give them the right to treat others bad, or to think they are above everyone else and that they should ge given the green card to do or say anything that they please.
So, when in company, what do I do? I hear them. I see them. And internally I flinch and I vomit. I grimace and look away. I don't make eye contact and I've pulled away slightly, in order to avoid a confrontation. And I'm scared and worried and I feel sick, because all I can think about lately, is future confrontations. Because although these people are shitting me up the wall, and it's like clutching at straws to find a positive quality about them, I can't say anything. Because when it's not your family, there is an invisible line of stitchwork imposed just over your lips, that restricts you from saying anything bad about a family that's not yours. Someone within that family can say all they like, but you can not say boo.
There have been 2 separate occasions as of late, well, actually, 3, including last night, where I know my pulled-back behaviour has become apparent to them. And there are things they are saying, in reference to the importance of family, that I find quite ironic. Don't have to tell us to keep family close, when they are the ones who are pushing us away with their anti-social and negative behaviour. With people who can only see others faults, and not their own, I honestly don't know what the answer is. Where do you look to find the solution to a problem that doesn't seem to have any answers that don't include yelling, accusations and tears?
So as you can see, the last few months have made me angry and hostile towards many people in my life. And I honestly hate that. Because I'm not that person. I'm happy, and positive about life, and like having fun. I don't like to concentrate on bad news, I don't like to speak bad about others, I believe in Karma and the Universe's energy, which is why I focus on the good things. But lately that's all gone down the drain as I've become increasingly agitated.
So what do I do? Do I let my problems go, give them up and hope the situations come back to me all fixed, or replaced? Do I forget about it and just see what happens, watch how the events play themselves out? My fear of letting go and trying to forget about these episodes and subsequent people involved, is that I may just explode in the near future from confining these feelings of sadness, frustration, fear, disappointment and anger within me. If I don't let it out, how will it go away? Lately I'm loving work, because being immersed with it makes me forget about all these freaking annoying people in my life lately!
I'm being tested big time. It's what I do in this situation that will show what I'm made of. I need to think things through. It's gonna be a big weekend, however I think I will prescribe myself a solar relaxation session tomorrow afternoon, (otherwise known as sun tanning) and let the Universe work the rest out for me.
That will have to be my Anger Management Course for now. This may or may not be continued.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
My ANGER Management - Part 1
I think there's something wrong with me.
That's what I was thinking a few days ago. Lately, I find myself in situations where I am so irritated/frustrated/angry by something said to me (usually be someone close to me mind you) that I end up just spitting back evil words at them, only to later feel slightly regretful, and embarrassed. I'm afraid I'm going to alienate everyone close to me, and I don't know why I'm acting this way.
Episode 1. I think this whole WAVE of negativity began about a month ago, at my nephews birthday party. My sister had decided to do the whole invite family and friends thing, so there was about 40 to 50 people there, easy.
Half way through the day, my older cousin, also a stirrer and shit-talker, yet somehow still entertaining and fun to be around ( I know, right? ) started saying to me things like
"so when are you having a housewarming party?"
"I wish I had your address so I could come to your house,"
and house-related things like that. It sooooo upset me. Why you may ask. Well months ago I had given that same cousin as well as the rest of my extended family, Hubbie and mine's new address, telling everyone they were free to come over. As for the housewarming, well we're busy enough as it is, and seeing as we plan to buy a new house soon, we'd rather do a big housewarming in the new house, as it will undoubtedly have more room to accomodate.
He was saying all this in front of a few of us, and he sooo put me on the spot, I could have wrung his neck. I went to Hubbie later and said "I give you full permission to stir the f*&^ out of him, he is totally shitting me," and explained to me what my dear old cousin was up to this week. I decided I would try and ignore him, until again, maybe half an hour later, he brings it up again, saying it loudly so this time Hubbie hears as well. There's more of a group now.
Hubbie spoke up, saying "ooooh, that's dirty," referring to the fact that this cosuin had our address and despite that was making us feel snobbish, like we didn't want him over. I was getting so fired up, and, almost yelling, I announced loudly "Cousin, stop talking shit, stop stirring the pot because you know the truth," and left it at that. He didn't say a word after, he and his wife left soon after because I think he was highly intoxicated.
Episode 2. I mentioned my cousin almost-pretty-much asking me to be her bridesmaid, and then not speaking of it again? Yes, that was my cousin. To be absolutely honest, I never expected her to ask me. So I wasn't counting on it. But I have some unleashed anger when it comes to her. I love her dearly, (we'll call her Legs) we get along so well. But it frustrates me when she constantly bags another cousin of ours, because the other cousin (who we shall call Fake) has tried to crack onto her fiance (then her boyfriend), when she knew that Legs was with him. Legs boyfriend was honest enough to tell her that, and ever since then she's been cautious around Fake, but hasn;t confronted her. So a lot of the time I end up listening to Legs bag Fake about being, well Fake. Funnily, Fake likes to spend a lot of time around Legs now, not really having cared before. Funny that.
Anyhow, I've had a strained relationship with Fake myself, for years now. She hasn't bothered to come to any functions in the last 10 years, and when I do see her, (albeit rarely) we all put on appearances, but she never tries to talk to me or find out about me, even though I have with her in the past. So now I don't even look at her. And I play her game when it comes to her.
Why upset then? Well, even before Legs got engaged and at her sort-of-engagement-party asked me to be (actually, TOLD me to be) her bridesmaid, I had a birthday party.
That was my first post. My first blog. And within that rant about birthdays not being the same anymore, and people not caring, is my rant within a rant about 'some people' choosing to go to their enemies birthdays, over going to the birthday of those they care about.
Yes, Legs went to Fake's birthday over mine, and actually lied to me about it. She told me she was going to stay at home because she couldn't get a ride into the city to my birthday, but at the last second she messaged me (after I asked her why she couldn't drive in herself), telling me that she was in fact going to Fake's birthday, because it was a 'Big One' and she'd feel bad not going to it.
All this a day after she spent a good amount of time bagging about Fake.
Liars and two-faced people, I don't understand. I realise if she had told me the truth, I still would've been hurt. But I would've known she'd been truthful, rather than deceitful.
Like this, things as they were, I was just MAD. And we never spoke about it properly. And it's been stewing in me since. She's not a bad person. I know she didn't mean bad. But she's extremely gullible, and I have no doubt all Fake had to do was give her a bit of a guilt trip about it being her 'big birthday' and all (of course it goes along with Fake's plan to keep Legs close to her, and Legs' boyfriend too) and Legs swayed without realising it.
After Legs' sort of bridesmaid invitation to me, a week later, we all saw each other again, including Fake. Of course as previously mentioned, Legs didn't say a thing about bridesmaids, however Fake once again was hanging exceptionally close to Legs, asking her all wedding related things. And I think my blood possible ran old when I heard Fake giggle to Legs, amidst wedding talk "when you put me as bridesmiad just make sure you pick a cute guy for me."
In that instant, I did not want to be bridesmaid. In fact, I immediately decided that if she ever did decide to formally ask me to be apart of her wedding, I'd have to decline if that Fake cousin of ours was going to be a part of it. I'd have to stand up for what I believed in, and I strongly believed that that was wrong.
I know Fake was just saying stuff. Throwing in hints because yes, she does wanna get close to Fake's fiance and his side of the family (surprise, surprise! guess what Fake they've all heard about your reputation!) which is why she wants to be bridesmaid. Legs has been laying low since, I havent heard a thing from her since then. I know she's working out bridal party stuff, so I won't be bothering her, I'll give her the decency to make a decision on her own merits. I actually have a spectacular dress to wear so I won't be worried! But if Legs turns to me and says "I've chosen Fake as one of my bridesmaids....."
I may just slap her out of protest and tell her where to go.
That's my second bout of anger problems.
Episodes 3, 4 and 5 will come tomorrow.
That's what I was thinking a few days ago. Lately, I find myself in situations where I am so irritated/frustrated/angry by something said to me (usually be someone close to me mind you) that I end up just spitting back evil words at them, only to later feel slightly regretful, and embarrassed. I'm afraid I'm going to alienate everyone close to me, and I don't know why I'm acting this way.
Episode 1. I think this whole WAVE of negativity began about a month ago, at my nephews birthday party. My sister had decided to do the whole invite family and friends thing, so there was about 40 to 50 people there, easy.
Half way through the day, my older cousin, also a stirrer and shit-talker, yet somehow still entertaining and fun to be around ( I know, right? ) started saying to me things like
"so when are you having a housewarming party?"
"I wish I had your address so I could come to your house,"
and house-related things like that. It sooooo upset me. Why you may ask. Well months ago I had given that same cousin as well as the rest of my extended family, Hubbie and mine's new address, telling everyone they were free to come over. As for the housewarming, well we're busy enough as it is, and seeing as we plan to buy a new house soon, we'd rather do a big housewarming in the new house, as it will undoubtedly have more room to accomodate.
He was saying all this in front of a few of us, and he sooo put me on the spot, I could have wrung his neck. I went to Hubbie later and said "I give you full permission to stir the f*&^ out of him, he is totally shitting me," and explained to me what my dear old cousin was up to this week. I decided I would try and ignore him, until again, maybe half an hour later, he brings it up again, saying it loudly so this time Hubbie hears as well. There's more of a group now.
Hubbie spoke up, saying "ooooh, that's dirty," referring to the fact that this cosuin had our address and despite that was making us feel snobbish, like we didn't want him over. I was getting so fired up, and, almost yelling, I announced loudly "Cousin, stop talking shit, stop stirring the pot because you know the truth," and left it at that. He didn't say a word after, he and his wife left soon after because I think he was highly intoxicated.
Episode 2. I mentioned my cousin almost-pretty-much asking me to be her bridesmaid, and then not speaking of it again? Yes, that was my cousin. To be absolutely honest, I never expected her to ask me. So I wasn't counting on it. But I have some unleashed anger when it comes to her. I love her dearly, (we'll call her Legs) we get along so well. But it frustrates me when she constantly bags another cousin of ours, because the other cousin (who we shall call Fake) has tried to crack onto her fiance (then her boyfriend), when she knew that Legs was with him. Legs boyfriend was honest enough to tell her that, and ever since then she's been cautious around Fake, but hasn;t confronted her. So a lot of the time I end up listening to Legs bag Fake about being, well Fake. Funnily, Fake likes to spend a lot of time around Legs now, not really having cared before. Funny that.
Anyhow, I've had a strained relationship with Fake myself, for years now. She hasn't bothered to come to any functions in the last 10 years, and when I do see her, (albeit rarely) we all put on appearances, but she never tries to talk to me or find out about me, even though I have with her in the past. So now I don't even look at her. And I play her game when it comes to her.
Why upset then? Well, even before Legs got engaged and at her sort-of-engagement-party asked me to be (actually, TOLD me to be) her bridesmaid, I had a birthday party.
That was my first post. My first blog. And within that rant about birthdays not being the same anymore, and people not caring, is my rant within a rant about 'some people' choosing to go to their enemies birthdays, over going to the birthday of those they care about.
Yes, Legs went to Fake's birthday over mine, and actually lied to me about it. She told me she was going to stay at home because she couldn't get a ride into the city to my birthday, but at the last second she messaged me (after I asked her why she couldn't drive in herself), telling me that she was in fact going to Fake's birthday, because it was a 'Big One' and she'd feel bad not going to it.
All this a day after she spent a good amount of time bagging about Fake.
Liars and two-faced people, I don't understand. I realise if she had told me the truth, I still would've been hurt. But I would've known she'd been truthful, rather than deceitful.
Like this, things as they were, I was just MAD. And we never spoke about it properly. And it's been stewing in me since. She's not a bad person. I know she didn't mean bad. But she's extremely gullible, and I have no doubt all Fake had to do was give her a bit of a guilt trip about it being her 'big birthday' and all (of course it goes along with Fake's plan to keep Legs close to her, and Legs' boyfriend too) and Legs swayed without realising it.
After Legs' sort of bridesmaid invitation to me, a week later, we all saw each other again, including Fake. Of course as previously mentioned, Legs didn't say a thing about bridesmaids, however Fake once again was hanging exceptionally close to Legs, asking her all wedding related things. And I think my blood possible ran old when I heard Fake giggle to Legs, amidst wedding talk "when you put me as bridesmiad just make sure you pick a cute guy for me."
In that instant, I did not want to be bridesmaid. In fact, I immediately decided that if she ever did decide to formally ask me to be apart of her wedding, I'd have to decline if that Fake cousin of ours was going to be a part of it. I'd have to stand up for what I believed in, and I strongly believed that that was wrong.
I know Fake was just saying stuff. Throwing in hints because yes, she does wanna get close to Fake's fiance and his side of the family (surprise, surprise! guess what Fake they've all heard about your reputation!) which is why she wants to be bridesmaid. Legs has been laying low since, I havent heard a thing from her since then. I know she's working out bridal party stuff, so I won't be bothering her, I'll give her the decency to make a decision on her own merits. I actually have a spectacular dress to wear so I won't be worried! But if Legs turns to me and says "I've chosen Fake as one of my bridesmaids....."
I may just slap her out of protest and tell her where to go.
That's my second bout of anger problems.
Episodes 3, 4 and 5 will come tomorrow.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
2009.... A Year in Review
Ooooh, looky me, sounding all business-like. But honestly I do like to look back on life occasionally, to see where I've come, what I've done, what's changed, and then to ponder about what my future might hold. And what better time is there to do it than at New Years Eve.
So, Big One, I got married this year. Massive change. Went on a European 5 week holiday that was so necessary it was ridiculous, discovering countries, cultures and people as we went. Also discovered that it's not so scary out there travelling, and that the rest of the world IS abundant with tourists, much like ourselves. Especially in Venice :)
Moved in with Hubbie. Moving away from home for the first time is a huge thing, but for me it was moving from the only place I called home, living with my folks, to living with Hubbie. Despite the lack of transitional period, I settled down well, once we received our furniture that is. I think it definitely helps to be ready for it.
I've gotten a permanent full-time job! It's the same job, but it just means there's no contract with an end date looming in the near future... so that's fantastic, with the economy scares around the world as of late.
As per usual I have Resolutions for the New Year.
1. To increase my Vitamin D intake by sitting in the sun more ( I love doing it anyway! ) and eating foods that are rich in the vitamin. This resolution comes after coming back from the doctor's yesterday, and being told my Vitamin D was a 29. It's supposed to be 75-250 or something like that. So that's WAY off. And now I'm pissed. I'm gonna try do it the healthier way, without tablets.
2. To decrease arm fat. My friends would kill me if they knew what I was saying. You can call me ridiculous, whereas I will call myself a perfectionist (even though I argue that there is no such thing as perfection, go figure) but the other day I looked at my arms - funnily after watching the doco Pumping Iron with Arnie in his early years as brick machine - and I thought "these arms can be more toned."
3. To generally get more toned, in particular to target my tummy and reduce the fat there. Once again I duplicate the second line of the 2nd point above. And the first half of the 3rd line there. This has been an ongoing thing for me, and I've realised that some stuff I've read online (the true stuff) about not being able to reduce tummy weight without working the rest of your body, is (SHOCK HORROR!) actually true, because since I've been married, my tummy has gotten flatter yet I've done no more exercise than usual, which is actually nothing. It's all the cleaning I do. And maybe the less carbs who knows.
4. To read more. Because I love it.
As you can see, these resolutions are predominantly health-related, because the key thing is, without health you can't have true happiness. It may be slightly appearance oriented, however I don't think my intentions are without merit, that is, I know what's most important. And that's to feel good inside out:)
Then the world smiles with you :)
May you have an incredibly fantastic New Year 2010.
So, Big One, I got married this year. Massive change. Went on a European 5 week holiday that was so necessary it was ridiculous, discovering countries, cultures and people as we went. Also discovered that it's not so scary out there travelling, and that the rest of the world IS abundant with tourists, much like ourselves. Especially in Venice :)
Moved in with Hubbie. Moving away from home for the first time is a huge thing, but for me it was moving from the only place I called home, living with my folks, to living with Hubbie. Despite the lack of transitional period, I settled down well, once we received our furniture that is. I think it definitely helps to be ready for it.
I've gotten a permanent full-time job! It's the same job, but it just means there's no contract with an end date looming in the near future... so that's fantastic, with the economy scares around the world as of late.
As per usual I have Resolutions for the New Year.
1. To increase my Vitamin D intake by sitting in the sun more ( I love doing it anyway! ) and eating foods that are rich in the vitamin. This resolution comes after coming back from the doctor's yesterday, and being told my Vitamin D was a 29. It's supposed to be 75-250 or something like that. So that's WAY off. And now I'm pissed. I'm gonna try do it the healthier way, without tablets.
2. To decrease arm fat. My friends would kill me if they knew what I was saying. You can call me ridiculous, whereas I will call myself a perfectionist (even though I argue that there is no such thing as perfection, go figure) but the other day I looked at my arms - funnily after watching the doco Pumping Iron with Arnie in his early years as brick machine - and I thought "these arms can be more toned."
3. To generally get more toned, in particular to target my tummy and reduce the fat there. Once again I duplicate the second line of the 2nd point above. And the first half of the 3rd line there. This has been an ongoing thing for me, and I've realised that some stuff I've read online (the true stuff) about not being able to reduce tummy weight without working the rest of your body, is (SHOCK HORROR!) actually true, because since I've been married, my tummy has gotten flatter yet I've done no more exercise than usual, which is actually nothing. It's all the cleaning I do. And maybe the less carbs who knows.
4. To read more. Because I love it.
As you can see, these resolutions are predominantly health-related, because the key thing is, without health you can't have true happiness. It may be slightly appearance oriented, however I don't think my intentions are without merit, that is, I know what's most important. And that's to feel good inside out:)
Then the world smiles with you :)
May you have an incredibly fantastic New Year 2010.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
December is what happened
Well, it has been one crazy month. Crazy busy as I like to say, and also crazy-blogless.
What can I say? December is my answer :) Christmas presents, thank you cards for the wedding, and it seems like a million other things, as we've been busy every weekend and even weeknights.
What is new? We have a bird. Well it's not a brand NEW bird but it's Hubbie's bird, having recently relocated to our place from his parents. He is quite the character. We reckon he's a Leo because he always wants to be the centre of attention and yells a lot.
We've done more to our house, which is great, it's more presentable and has more gadgety things (!) but at the same time, we're looking to move into a bigger house.
Two recent episodes from the last month which stand out to me now, are to do with the issue of invitations. Something about this topic I always come back to. Maybe because my very first blog was concerned with invitations I had verbally and electronically given out for my birthday.
But anyway, in the last month, I have been told I was going to be a bridesmaid by a bride-to-be, and then subsequently have had no mention of it by the bride-to-be at the next gathering (albeit not as drunk gathering.) I may speak about this in detail in a future blog, if I feel like it. It's complicated. I'm sure you have time.
And after that incident, in another blow, I found out my best friend and her boyfriend already had made New Years plans without us, passing on to spending New Years with her boyfriends best friend and girlfriend.
.................................................
Just giving you a moment to think about that one. It's not like we're exclusive to each other, that we only see each other and only go out with each other, nothing like that. Just don't say you forgot when I ask you about your New Years plans. I know it may not have been deliberate, but funny how they (minus my bestie) were talking about reservations at a hotel for their New Years plans a few weeks ago, while Hubbie and I sat next to them at a concert. Interesting to hear that we'd been 'forgotten' when we were within earshot.
Interesting.
I understand that I could be blowing it all out of proportion once again, as that's what I do best, because it could have been my bestie's boyfriends best mate's girlfriend
........................................................................................
catched up? - that had planned the night, therefore you can't really invite others when someone has invited you and planned it.
If that's it that's cool.
But I don't get the forgotten bit. Hubbie and I don't forget people. So how do people forget us? Like honestly, is that saying something about people in general? Or am I making an ant into an elephant, once again?
I think it's to do with my other issue..... of which I may or may not divulge in a future blog.
That's my bit for now.
What can I say? December is my answer :) Christmas presents, thank you cards for the wedding, and it seems like a million other things, as we've been busy every weekend and even weeknights.
What is new? We have a bird. Well it's not a brand NEW bird but it's Hubbie's bird, having recently relocated to our place from his parents. He is quite the character. We reckon he's a Leo because he always wants to be the centre of attention and yells a lot.
We've done more to our house, which is great, it's more presentable and has more gadgety things (!) but at the same time, we're looking to move into a bigger house.
Two recent episodes from the last month which stand out to me now, are to do with the issue of invitations. Something about this topic I always come back to. Maybe because my very first blog was concerned with invitations I had verbally and electronically given out for my birthday.
But anyway, in the last month, I have been told I was going to be a bridesmaid by a bride-to-be, and then subsequently have had no mention of it by the bride-to-be at the next gathering (albeit not as drunk gathering.) I may speak about this in detail in a future blog, if I feel like it. It's complicated. I'm sure you have time.
And after that incident, in another blow, I found out my best friend and her boyfriend already had made New Years plans without us, passing on to spending New Years with her boyfriends best friend and girlfriend.
.................................................
Just giving you a moment to think about that one. It's not like we're exclusive to each other, that we only see each other and only go out with each other, nothing like that. Just don't say you forgot when I ask you about your New Years plans. I know it may not have been deliberate, but funny how they (minus my bestie) were talking about reservations at a hotel for their New Years plans a few weeks ago, while Hubbie and I sat next to them at a concert. Interesting to hear that we'd been 'forgotten' when we were within earshot.
Interesting.
I understand that I could be blowing it all out of proportion once again, as that's what I do best, because it could have been my bestie's boyfriends best mate's girlfriend
........................................................................................
catched up? - that had planned the night, therefore you can't really invite others when someone has invited you and planned it.
If that's it that's cool.
But I don't get the forgotten bit. Hubbie and I don't forget people. So how do people forget us? Like honestly, is that saying something about people in general? Or am I making an ant into an elephant, once again?
I think it's to do with my other issue..... of which I may or may not divulge in a future blog.
That's my bit for now.
Friday, December 4, 2009
Thanks, I'll take that compliment
I'm feeling very proud of myself. Very pleased indeed. It's definitely a good way to be feeling on a Friday morning, as you're about to embark on the fabulous trip known as 'the weekend.'
I passed a test yesterday. A very important one. I guess those who may not have received such a high score would be feeling a bit bad, they might even try to diminish the importance of the test, just so that they wouldn't feel so bad.
But let me tell you, that's a bad, bad thing to do. Because this test affects your life.
I passed a health check.
Yes that's right. Think about it. Various parts of you are tested. If the health professional finds that you are making the right health choices in your life, obviously you get a higher score. However if you haven't placed enough emphasis on doing the right things in life to keep you fit and healthy, well then........
You end up like some people around here. With a low score, feeling bad, and not talking much about it.
I didn't really know what to think, going into it. I consider myself a healthy person, but I've never really had my health checked. I never really thought I should. I guess that's a big mistake some people make, one I'm very aware of. Just because you're skinny it doesn't mean you're fit and/or healthy. But I always said to myself that once I'd settled down and the wedding was over, I wanted to get myself checked. And a few weeks back, when I got the email, advising of free health checks in our workplace, I knew it was something I HAD to do.
And I was soooo pleased I did do it. The health check was comprised of a blood pressure test, waist measurement, pin prick to test blood, and a simple questionnaire that asked about your daily health activities and choices.
My blood pressure was a good reading. It was low, and apparently it's good to be low. I can't remember the reading, but the numbers 105/73 are popping up in my head, so it might have been around that number.
It turns out, my cholesterol was like 5.3. I think that was my overall cholesterol reading, and it's supposed to be under 5.5, so that was good. But it was my good cholesterol that stunned the guy, myself included. Usually you're supposed to have like a 1.0 reading, I think that's normal. But mine was 1.6, 60% higher than the general population. It was not just good, but GREAT! I suddenly thought of all those almonds I'd been eating..... and felt extremely proud of myself.
My waist measurement was in check, it was 70cm, and I saw in the health pamphlet that it's supposed to be under 80cm. Well, I knew it was fine because the guy checking me said "perfect," when he measured me. I think he was slightly crushing on me!
I did have a very high blood glucose level, and he thought it may be because I had just eaten. He thought it was weird, because a high level suggests risk of diabetes, whereas all my other tests were suggesting an extremely LOW risk of it. So I ended up coming back at the end of the day, after fasting between that time, to get my blood tested again.
Yuck and Ouch. As soon as he had the blood, I was throwing jelly beans into my mouth so quick. And wonderfully, my level had HALVED, from 7.5 to something like 3-4. AND, in that time my overall cholesterol had dropped. He said my good cholesterol was so good, it was pushing down my bad cholesterol. Oh, come on, keep bringing on the praise!
The ONLY downfall, and I freely admit this (only after pathetically trying to convince the guy that my 5 minutes of walking from the car park to the work building should be added to an exercise total) is that I don't exercise, much.
Ok fine I don't exercise really ever. And I say it like that because I have tried in the last month or so, to lift some weights, do some sit-ups and stuff. But you just get so busy! And then it doesn't become a priority anymore. Which is bad, I know, health should be a priority. Food-wise, I'm a good girl, it's just the physical exertion I need to up.
So he convinced me that taking the train to work would be a better option, because then I could walk to and from the station, and possibly rack up more than 30 mins a day. And all you need is 30 minutes a day, 5 days a week.
It was such a simple solution, yet I felt like it was such a lightbulb moment.
!
Don't hate me yet, he did give me shit for not exercising. Or did he? When he was trying to work out why I didn't exercise, he asked "Do you have too many mirrors in your house?"
"No, only 2, and they're both upstairs."
Oops. Now he was going to think I didn't wanna WALK upstairs.
"I thought maybe your house was full of mirrors, and when you looked at yourself you thought 'I'm gorgeous, I'm perfect, I don't need to exercise!' "
I paused for a sec, unsure of how to answer that. "No."
Yeah, I've received a similar comment before. But the way this guy said it, and the way he was looking at me (he had the same look as this guy I used to work with had when he spoke to me, and I was PRETTY sure he was crushing on me then) I could sort of see where he was heading.
That's not bad. It's nice to know that although you're taken, whether in a relationship or married, that you're still desired. It's human nature. People want to be wanted. And though they may deny it, they want to be with someone, that's wanted.
So all in all, I was feeling pretty bloody brilliant yesterday. I was feeling damn fine, freaking fantastic about my health, and you know what the overall joy came from? I didn't even try.
When I eat I think about what I'm eating, yes. But I don't obsess. I don't weigh my food, or get obsessed by proportions. I don't restrict certain foods from my diet. I just eat. I crave stuff and I eat. I'm so used to eating good, healthy food, that by the time I'm done, I'm not needing to satisfy my sweet or savoury tooth, because I'm so satisfied. And the days that I am bad, with junk food, and where I just gotta keep eating that cake, I don't feel bad about it. I guess I'm a very balanced eater, and it's paid off for me.
So thanks very much. I will be proud of myself. I'll take that compliment. There is no reason to feel bad or wrong about praising yourself. Because usually, you deserve it. Because, isn't it right that you're your own worst enemy? So who would know you deserve praise better than you?
Indulge a little. I know I am :)
I passed a test yesterday. A very important one. I guess those who may not have received such a high score would be feeling a bit bad, they might even try to diminish the importance of the test, just so that they wouldn't feel so bad.
But let me tell you, that's a bad, bad thing to do. Because this test affects your life.
I passed a health check.
Yes that's right. Think about it. Various parts of you are tested. If the health professional finds that you are making the right health choices in your life, obviously you get a higher score. However if you haven't placed enough emphasis on doing the right things in life to keep you fit and healthy, well then........
You end up like some people around here. With a low score, feeling bad, and not talking much about it.
I didn't really know what to think, going into it. I consider myself a healthy person, but I've never really had my health checked. I never really thought I should. I guess that's a big mistake some people make, one I'm very aware of. Just because you're skinny it doesn't mean you're fit and/or healthy. But I always said to myself that once I'd settled down and the wedding was over, I wanted to get myself checked. And a few weeks back, when I got the email, advising of free health checks in our workplace, I knew it was something I HAD to do.
And I was soooo pleased I did do it. The health check was comprised of a blood pressure test, waist measurement, pin prick to test blood, and a simple questionnaire that asked about your daily health activities and choices.
My blood pressure was a good reading. It was low, and apparently it's good to be low. I can't remember the reading, but the numbers 105/73 are popping up in my head, so it might have been around that number.
It turns out, my cholesterol was like 5.3. I think that was my overall cholesterol reading, and it's supposed to be under 5.5, so that was good. But it was my good cholesterol that stunned the guy, myself included. Usually you're supposed to have like a 1.0 reading, I think that's normal. But mine was 1.6, 60% higher than the general population. It was not just good, but GREAT! I suddenly thought of all those almonds I'd been eating..... and felt extremely proud of myself.
My waist measurement was in check, it was 70cm, and I saw in the health pamphlet that it's supposed to be under 80cm. Well, I knew it was fine because the guy checking me said "perfect," when he measured me. I think he was slightly crushing on me!
I did have a very high blood glucose level, and he thought it may be because I had just eaten. He thought it was weird, because a high level suggests risk of diabetes, whereas all my other tests were suggesting an extremely LOW risk of it. So I ended up coming back at the end of the day, after fasting between that time, to get my blood tested again.
Yuck and Ouch. As soon as he had the blood, I was throwing jelly beans into my mouth so quick. And wonderfully, my level had HALVED, from 7.5 to something like 3-4. AND, in that time my overall cholesterol had dropped. He said my good cholesterol was so good, it was pushing down my bad cholesterol. Oh, come on, keep bringing on the praise!
The ONLY downfall, and I freely admit this (only after pathetically trying to convince the guy that my 5 minutes of walking from the car park to the work building should be added to an exercise total) is that I don't exercise, much.
Ok fine I don't exercise really ever. And I say it like that because I have tried in the last month or so, to lift some weights, do some sit-ups and stuff. But you just get so busy! And then it doesn't become a priority anymore. Which is bad, I know, health should be a priority. Food-wise, I'm a good girl, it's just the physical exertion I need to up.
So he convinced me that taking the train to work would be a better option, because then I could walk to and from the station, and possibly rack up more than 30 mins a day. And all you need is 30 minutes a day, 5 days a week.
It was such a simple solution, yet I felt like it was such a lightbulb moment.
!
Don't hate me yet, he did give me shit for not exercising. Or did he? When he was trying to work out why I didn't exercise, he asked "Do you have too many mirrors in your house?"
"No, only 2, and they're both upstairs."
Oops. Now he was going to think I didn't wanna WALK upstairs.
"I thought maybe your house was full of mirrors, and when you looked at yourself you thought 'I'm gorgeous, I'm perfect, I don't need to exercise!' "
I paused for a sec, unsure of how to answer that. "No."
Yeah, I've received a similar comment before. But the way this guy said it, and the way he was looking at me (he had the same look as this guy I used to work with had when he spoke to me, and I was PRETTY sure he was crushing on me then) I could sort of see where he was heading.
That's not bad. It's nice to know that although you're taken, whether in a relationship or married, that you're still desired. It's human nature. People want to be wanted. And though they may deny it, they want to be with someone, that's wanted.
So all in all, I was feeling pretty bloody brilliant yesterday. I was feeling damn fine, freaking fantastic about my health, and you know what the overall joy came from? I didn't even try.
When I eat I think about what I'm eating, yes. But I don't obsess. I don't weigh my food, or get obsessed by proportions. I don't restrict certain foods from my diet. I just eat. I crave stuff and I eat. I'm so used to eating good, healthy food, that by the time I'm done, I'm not needing to satisfy my sweet or savoury tooth, because I'm so satisfied. And the days that I am bad, with junk food, and where I just gotta keep eating that cake, I don't feel bad about it. I guess I'm a very balanced eater, and it's paid off for me.
So thanks very much. I will be proud of myself. I'll take that compliment. There is no reason to feel bad or wrong about praising yourself. Because usually, you deserve it. Because, isn't it right that you're your own worst enemy? So who would know you deserve praise better than you?
Indulge a little. I know I am :)
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Rain
You know you're in the midst of a drought, when it rains all weekend, and you can't believe it.
When you're leaving home Saturday afternoon, and the rain simply descends. But it doesn't go away like it normally does, no. It just continues, harder and faster, pelting at the car you're in from all directions, until you begin to realise that it isn't going away just yet.
That's when you know you're in a drought.
When you look for parking closer to your destination, just so you can get LESS rained on, rather than totally drenched. When you open up the umbrella when you're still in the car, squirming your way out so to avoid any speck of rain getting on you, even though you know that once you start walking, the rain will give you no mercy. It will attack you from every which direction, and you will be amazed. You will be surprised.
That's when you know you're in the midst of a drought.
When you're walking to the soccer stadium, sharing an umbrella but wishing you each had your own, as your entire right side which is facing the rain starts to soak, and you start to wish you had worn your boots, rather than your open-toed flats. And you ask yourself why it is that last time you wore those flats you were caught in a similar downpour. You begin to question your rain-inspiring shoes. You vow next time to wear those shoes, when the rain is needed.
That's when you know you're in the middle of a drought.
Your shoes get damp, and then are suddenly soaked, through and through, feet and all, as you accidentally step into a puddle when you forgetfully fail to watch your step for a split second. You swear, yell at your umbrella partner, and regretfully begin to accept the rain sloshing through your shoes.
You shake your feet in the air as you walk, trying to get rid of the water, as you try to avoid more puddles, somehow, almost, successfully. You look around and see others around you, running without umbrellas, trying to avoid the inevitable raining crashing down on them, and for a moment you feel good, knowing you are somewhat dry.
Until you step again and the water sloshes around heavily in your flats.
And you ask yourself when was the last time you remember this happening. You can't remember. Other than the time from last week when you wore the same rain-producing flats. There's nothing.
That's when you know you're in the midst of a drought.
When you're on your way back from the soccer, the rain has ceased, but surprisingly, returns with full force once you're in the car, driving back home. This is surprising to you because you dont see rain often. It has become a rare event. You're in a drought.
The following day it rains, on and off. It isn't too severe, but still you're more amazed at the constant determination of the rain than anything else. Not only does it rain, but it comes back. Sudden and swift isn't in its vocabularly, it's a distant cousin of this rain.
That night, as your bed looms at you, yawns approach and everything becomes still, you hear it. The sudden rattling, thunderous pitter-patter that begins on your roof, and in moments envelopes the entire house, all that is around you.
The rain. It has returned. And provided a nice backdrop for sleeping, a kind of musical lullaby, to which you can close your eyes, tune out, and be secure in knowing you are in a good place. You are safe, warm, at home. Tired.
But still you are amazed. Amazed and at awe by this sensation, by this natural phenomenon of water falling from the sky. It falls, sometimes slowly, sometimes fast, in all sorts of directions. It falls and stops, then returns, and sometimes it just doesn't stop. It just varies the speed and direction and force with which it falls.
But all this is so new. Familiar but new, because rain is not a naturally-occuring phenomenon, not where we are anymore. It never comes too often, or stays too long.
That's why we are surprised. We can not believe our luck. The phrase you constantly hear everywhere is "But we need the rain." Perhaps everyone here has said it at least once. That's because we all feel its absence. It comes, dissolves the dryness, returns moisture to the plants, trees, land, animals and the people that so rely on it for survival. It removes the stresses and angers, from our lives. All washes away with rain.
It rejuvenates. It refreshes. But it has been surprising.
We are surprised by its sudden return. Because we are in a drought.
Today is the first day of Summer.
When you're leaving home Saturday afternoon, and the rain simply descends. But it doesn't go away like it normally does, no. It just continues, harder and faster, pelting at the car you're in from all directions, until you begin to realise that it isn't going away just yet.
That's when you know you're in a drought.
When you look for parking closer to your destination, just so you can get LESS rained on, rather than totally drenched. When you open up the umbrella when you're still in the car, squirming your way out so to avoid any speck of rain getting on you, even though you know that once you start walking, the rain will give you no mercy. It will attack you from every which direction, and you will be amazed. You will be surprised.
That's when you know you're in the midst of a drought.
When you're walking to the soccer stadium, sharing an umbrella but wishing you each had your own, as your entire right side which is facing the rain starts to soak, and you start to wish you had worn your boots, rather than your open-toed flats. And you ask yourself why it is that last time you wore those flats you were caught in a similar downpour. You begin to question your rain-inspiring shoes. You vow next time to wear those shoes, when the rain is needed.
That's when you know you're in the middle of a drought.
Your shoes get damp, and then are suddenly soaked, through and through, feet and all, as you accidentally step into a puddle when you forgetfully fail to watch your step for a split second. You swear, yell at your umbrella partner, and regretfully begin to accept the rain sloshing through your shoes.
You shake your feet in the air as you walk, trying to get rid of the water, as you try to avoid more puddles, somehow, almost, successfully. You look around and see others around you, running without umbrellas, trying to avoid the inevitable raining crashing down on them, and for a moment you feel good, knowing you are somewhat dry.
Until you step again and the water sloshes around heavily in your flats.
And you ask yourself when was the last time you remember this happening. You can't remember. Other than the time from last week when you wore the same rain-producing flats. There's nothing.
That's when you know you're in the midst of a drought.
When you're on your way back from the soccer, the rain has ceased, but surprisingly, returns with full force once you're in the car, driving back home. This is surprising to you because you dont see rain often. It has become a rare event. You're in a drought.
The following day it rains, on and off. It isn't too severe, but still you're more amazed at the constant determination of the rain than anything else. Not only does it rain, but it comes back. Sudden and swift isn't in its vocabularly, it's a distant cousin of this rain.
That night, as your bed looms at you, yawns approach and everything becomes still, you hear it. The sudden rattling, thunderous pitter-patter that begins on your roof, and in moments envelopes the entire house, all that is around you.
The rain. It has returned. And provided a nice backdrop for sleeping, a kind of musical lullaby, to which you can close your eyes, tune out, and be secure in knowing you are in a good place. You are safe, warm, at home. Tired.
But still you are amazed. Amazed and at awe by this sensation, by this natural phenomenon of water falling from the sky. It falls, sometimes slowly, sometimes fast, in all sorts of directions. It falls and stops, then returns, and sometimes it just doesn't stop. It just varies the speed and direction and force with which it falls.
But all this is so new. Familiar but new, because rain is not a naturally-occuring phenomenon, not where we are anymore. It never comes too often, or stays too long.
That's why we are surprised. We can not believe our luck. The phrase you constantly hear everywhere is "But we need the rain." Perhaps everyone here has said it at least once. That's because we all feel its absence. It comes, dissolves the dryness, returns moisture to the plants, trees, land, animals and the people that so rely on it for survival. It removes the stresses and angers, from our lives. All washes away with rain.
It rejuvenates. It refreshes. But it has been surprising.
We are surprised by its sudden return. Because we are in a drought.
Today is the first day of Summer.
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