I need to get this out so that I can try to move on. In true OCD form I've been completely obsessing over it, and I can't take it anymore.
Let's play the hypothetical game again, with not so hypothetical people, and a not at all hypothetical situation.
Let's say, I have some really nice kitchen items. To make this game easier, I'll say I have a beautiful fruit bowl, with matching salt and pepper shakers that sit beside it. It took me ages to find something this beautiful, unique and original in the modern style Hubbie and I were going for in the kitchen (remember, hypothetical!) So when we got it and put it in there a couple of months ago, we were like "Ahhhh." Looks good.
Now, about a month ago we had Mouth over with another couple. During the course of the visit, after she had been to my kitchen, she commented to me "oh, I like your fruit bowl, and the salt and pepper shakers. Really nice. Where did you get it?"
I was probably slightly thrown by the fact that she never really notices anything or anyone but herself, and it seemed she was giving me a genuine compliment for my kitchen things. I said quite casually "oh, from blah and blah."
I didn't think much of it. I later heard from Hubbie that the other couple who were over, well the woman expressed how much she really liked my kitchen things, and added "they're from blah and blah, yeah?"
When Hubbie told me this I was like "no! She can't get the same things as us!" But the knowledge that the shopping centre we got it from wasn't exactly local, kept me secure in the fact that she wouldn't go there by herself and get them. She could just safely admire them from a dsitance whenever she was at our house.
So I forgot about it.
Just recently, we found ourselves at this woman's house. Mouth was there also, and some other people. A couple of hours into it, Hubbie whispers to me "have you been to the kitchen?"
He has a weird look on his face. "What?" I ask, confused.
"She bought the things." He's smiling but I can see his expression is really wary, judging me and how I'm going to react. My mouth drops open as I realise what he's talking about. I'm gaping.
"Don't overreact. Don't make a scene."
I get up immediately and march to the kitchen. My heart drops when I get there, when I see MY fruit browl and matching salt and pepper shakers.
I am in absolute shock. She bloody went there. She went to the shopping centre, to the exact same shop and bought the same bloody things as me. And now her kitchen looks like mine.
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
I am completely deflated. Dismayed, upset, devastated, shocked. Hubbie reads my face as I come and sit back down. "Don't jump, you don't know the full story. Don't be upset, ok?" I'm wondering at his words, wondering what the hell extra there is to know that would make this situation better for me, but I try to push it out of my mind, not wanting to appear obvious.
Not too long after that, I'm talking to Mouth. And somehow, in conversation, she says "so last weekend I went to blah shopping centre with woman, to get those things at blah shop, you know your kitchen things?"
All the pieces are falling into place. But it's actually getting worse for me.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah, we went and bought them."
The word we I'm having an especially hard time with. It's sticking out like a sore thumb in a sentence of fingers.
"You went and bought the exact same things?" My tone is dead, expressionless. I'm numb with shock.
"Yeah." Her response is almost questioning. As if she's trying to work out what my take is on all of it.
She goes on and on as my heart sinks deeper.
"They have good priced forks there, you know," she waffles on. (hypothetical forks!)
"Yeah," I say flatly. "That's why I like it there. I like to get good, different things that arent the same as everyone else."
There's a distinct pause. I can hear her thinking. Then, because she's a fucking tool, she continues unaffected.
Phew. I need to calm down.
Perhaps I need to give you a little back story, so you can understand my strong aversion to copying.
Growing up, I had a friend, let's simply call her copy-cat. Enough said, right? In primary school she would read off my work, and when I'd catch her I'd yell out "stop copying!" She would say back angrily "I'm not copying!" And yet she would still do it, peering over my arm which I tried to protectively cover my work with.
All my friends knew. When she was near them she would try to copy their work too. But because my regular seat was next to her, I got the brunt of it.
Copy-cat and I went to the same high school. Here, I didn't have as many classes with her, but the rest of my friends there soon found out how she was, and again she was accused of copying. The annyoing thing with her was that she would copy you, and then make her work better. That was the aggravating thing. That and obviously denying that she was even plagiarising our work.
It was easier for me in high school, knowing my friends there could see what I could see. But then as I thought I lost her annoying habit, I gained the same habit in someone else. My cousins Legs and Hair.
Now I absolutely love them to pieces, I really do. But there was a time when I was growing up, and them being younger than me and looking up to me of course, that they would imitate me. They liked the things I liked. They dressed like me. And on and on. At one stage one of them confided to me that their own grandmother said to them "You should be more like Miss S." Although I was only 14 at the time, I lost it when I heard this. "Screw her! Don't be like me, or anybody else, be your own person!"
And they did, and I'm so proud of my adopted sisters for what they have grown into.
But what I'm trying to show here is that I had a lot of copying of me over the years, copying that scarred me, and that has made me want to be completely original, different and unlike anybody else. The more people copied me, the more I shied away and tried to be even more original and unique.
So that, on top of the fact that I have to mentally imagine kicking Mouth like a football far off into the distance just to get her annoyingness out of my head, has got me so unbelievably pissed off that you can't imagine.
I can't believe, that she went and bought the exact same things as me. She not only went into the same shop (which is fine) but she bought the exact same things! Has she no shame? Is she not embarrassed, does she not feel pathetic? I would be completely ashamed of buying the exact same thing as someone else, and then have them come into my house and see that I've copied them. How shameful! Shame, shame, shame.
The reason I'm not having a go at the other woman - though I am still upset! - is because Hubbie said to me not to be. She's older, and she looks at other people for home ideas. She doesn't know. I exhaled loudly when I heard this. I'm still exhaling. I wanna do it for him, but it's not easy. I would do anything for him though.
But Mouth. Mouth is younger than the woman. She's older than us. (Another shameful thing, copying people younger than you) She should know better. When the woman called Mouth and said "I want to get the same things as Miss S," Mouth should have said "No, that's embarrassing, we'll go and get something different."
Mouth, the same Mouth who would have a go at someone for copying her. The same mouth who only ever praises or talks about herself. The same mouth who never gives anyone recognition. Do you think when guests comment on her kitchen things that she's going to be honest and say "I copied Miss S' style"? No! No she won't because she is a narcissist!
Argh! I'm so furious. I can't take it. The saying about imitation being flattery, is a load of bullshit. It's not flattery for someone whose suffered the effects of people trying to steal her style for only HER ENTIRE LIFE.
It absolutely boils me to my core. Do not copy me! Especially you, Mouth! I can't stand it, I'm absolutely fuming with anger.
Hubbie and I don't have the biggest house. But with what we have, we try to make the best of it, and put really fine touches to our house to make it unique. We buy quality items, interesting pieces, and all the furnishings show attention to detail and careful planning. Both Mouth and woman have big, new houses. Do they have to take the one thing I have, my style? Do they want that too? What else do they want from me, my life?
Leave me with the one thing I have, please. Leave me that. But no, they had to take it. SHE had to take it.
These obsessive fiery thoughts would not stop going around and around in my head yesterday. I had to talk to Sis. She is awesome, she is so awesome that my next post will be about her, to counteract the angst that is Mouth and everything about her that I despise.
Sis helped me. She tried to get me to see it in a different light. She suggested the conclusions that Hubbie and I had already come to: that we don't tell them where we buy our things in the future - we be vague if ever asked; and that this whole situation was a lesson learnt for the future. She didn't see it in the way I did, because she says she's had a friend copy her thing, and she's even copied another friend for something. But see, it's the way you go about it. My sister is very honest, and would admit to the person how much she loved it and that she was intending to buy one for herself. Mouth however is sneaky. She gives me praise - just enough - but not so much that I thought she really liked it. Then she organised a shopping day with woman, they went off and bought it without a mention of it to Hubbie and I. When it was too late, it was all bought and done.
Hubbie agrees. He's not so hung up on it as I am, but when I asked him, he admitted "I'm spewing." He didn't have to have someone copy him his whole life to make him want to be original and have different things. It's so annoying.
You know what else? We have this other 'kitchen item' a 'coffee machine' (not really, still hypothetical!) that she's asked us about, and I've said that we've bought it in a far-off region. She also knows that some of our other home furnishings are from that 'far-off region.' Guess where Mouth and her family went a couple of weeks ago? To the far-off region! What, you need another coffee machine? Get your own fucking style you leeches!
Geez, do they want to copy our whole house? The thing that peeves me off, is as I said in reference to my Sis, they're not honest. Admit you like it. Say it out loud and MEAN IT. Unlike them, who often snub their noses at things we've seen, things we've bought, and things we've done (like going to the far-off region) and then they explode with fireworks and expect you to shower them with attention when THEY GO!
I know, I know. Narcissists, in every sense of the word.
We're actually going to find a whole new, different, unique and original fruit bowl with matching salt and pepper shakers. In a couple of months we're going to a similar far-off region, and I'm going to go into as many shops there as I can, and find something bigger and better. (See how we have to buy something different because of other, annoying people?)
And THEN when they say "oh, you have different ones?!"
I'M going to say "yes, I like to have truly original pieces unlike anything anyone else has."
And I hope that that boils her and makes her feel PATHETIC. Copy cat.
What I hope for most? That after this realisation I make her come to (and I will) that she will always see my face in her fruit bowl and salt and pepper shakers. Forever.
And I hope she can live with herself for that. Because denial doesn't ever change the fact.
Showing posts with label house. Show all posts
Showing posts with label house. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
My Baby Girl, Alana
I had a really weird dream waking up on Saturday.
(I know, I'm always having some sort of weird dream).
But this was quite odd, as that particular early morning when I heard Hubbie getting ready in the bedroom as he was getting ready to leave for work, I then fell asleep and had this trippy dream, only to wake up again as his car was departing.
So knowing his morning get-to-work routine, I'd had this dream within 10-15 minutes of being awake, falling asleep and waking up again.
Weeeiirrddddd.
The dream itself was a bit jumpy. Here's what I remember though.
- Being in a dimly-lit hospital room. Heavily pregnant, lying on a bed, with a midwife besides me. She says "One more push, and that's it." I tense and give one big push, and it seems the baby just POPS! out.
- Standing in front of a mirror, my midriff visible, admiring my flat stomach. Thinking 'this isn't so bad. See I just gave birth and my stomach is super flat.'
- Looking at an ultrasound photo of my baby girl. Thinking 'she looks like me when I was a baby.'
- Arriving home with the new addition. Looking at her and thinking 'my baby girl, Alana.'
- Remembering suddenly after being home for 24 hours that 'oh shit! I need to check on her! Does she need milk, a nappy change, anything?' Realising that I was gonna have to do this mother thing a bit differently, and focus a bit more on the new baby that was suddenly a part of our lives.
- Listening to Hubbie who was on his way to work (he was dressed for it) who had just checked up on our baby girl, recount how he felt looking at her: "she's so amazing! I could just look at her all day." Watching his face, how it lit up when he spoke of her, how his eyes shone with wonder and awe, his whole demeanour a picture of fascination and utter devotion.
When I woke up only minutes later, hearing Hubbie's car start up in the garage, I couldn't stop repeating the scenes of the dream in my head. You know when you've woken from a dream, and even though you know it was just a dream, you can't stop thinking of it and believing in it? I just kept thinking 'oh wow, our baby girl, Alana. What a unique name.' I kept thinking of how much love I had just developed, for this unplanned and unreal baby, that hadn't been in my consciousness for more than 20 minutes. Thinking of the love on Hubbie's face, the coinciding love that I too had felt, and the feelings of the dream just continued to overwhelm me. I couldn't stop thinking about it, however miraculously I was able to fall asleep again.
The dream itself and the subsequent emotions it produced in me are very out of the ordinary, as EVERY OTHER dream I've EVER had about being pregnant, or having a baby leads to both dream-feelings and after-dream-real-life-feelings of 'no, I'm not ready,' or 'no, I don't wanna do this' or 'I want this thing out of me but I don't wanna get it out, AHHH!'
Suffice to say that Hubbie and I are not yet in the middle of plans to extend the family. I have never despised children, but seeing as we both have sisters with children of their own, we have been first-hand witnesses to the struggles of raising them, and both the effort and commitment required to grow them up.
That combined with my open proclaimation that I am in a selfish phase (Hubbie likes to say we are simply 'enjoying' this phase of our marriage!), I want to be extra, extra, extra sure that I have certain things out of my system before we take the next big step. I need to be ready. Blonde tells me from her talks with mothers that you will never ever really be ready. Which is also quite scary if you think about being unprepared for the next step and having something growing inside of you. But I truly believe that I will feel something change in me, and I will know it is time.
However after this dream, I don't feel there needs to be much twisting of my arm, too much coaxing from Hubbie before we make the decision. When you feel the emotion of love, so true and so real in a dream, the feeling produced lasts long after the dream has ended. Like the fear brought about from a nightmare, so too does the feeling of love transfer into real life and extend long past days into weeks.
I guess I'm lucky, I have time on my side. We can't really do anything, seeing as our plan is first to build our house and move in and get settled before making any other big changes.
But, I can't lie, the dream has got my head ticking....ticking.....
Hubbie thinks Alana is an interesting name. I had to run the dream past him, of course :)
On an aside, it's also weird that I dreamt this, seeing as just recently I read and commented on a blog which I follow called "The Crymes Syndicate."
Margaret's post "The giraffe-necked baby was all in your head" recounts her dream of her unborn child, and it's a great read. You must check it out:
http://www.crymesyndicate.com/2010/08/giraffe-necked-baby-was-all-in-your.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+TheCrymesSyndicate+%28The+Crymes+Syndicate%29
And on an aside number 2, guess what one of the story highlights of the day are on todays My Daily News link?
"What should you eat to fall pregnant with a girl?"
Not. Joking.
(I know, I'm always having some sort of weird dream).
But this was quite odd, as that particular early morning when I heard Hubbie getting ready in the bedroom as he was getting ready to leave for work, I then fell asleep and had this trippy dream, only to wake up again as his car was departing.
So knowing his morning get-to-work routine, I'd had this dream within 10-15 minutes of being awake, falling asleep and waking up again.
Weeeiirrddddd.
The dream itself was a bit jumpy. Here's what I remember though.
- Being in a dimly-lit hospital room. Heavily pregnant, lying on a bed, with a midwife besides me. She says "One more push, and that's it." I tense and give one big push, and it seems the baby just POPS! out.
- Standing in front of a mirror, my midriff visible, admiring my flat stomach. Thinking 'this isn't so bad. See I just gave birth and my stomach is super flat.'
- Looking at an ultrasound photo of my baby girl. Thinking 'she looks like me when I was a baby.'
- Arriving home with the new addition. Looking at her and thinking 'my baby girl, Alana.'
- Remembering suddenly after being home for 24 hours that 'oh shit! I need to check on her! Does she need milk, a nappy change, anything?' Realising that I was gonna have to do this mother thing a bit differently, and focus a bit more on the new baby that was suddenly a part of our lives.
- Listening to Hubbie who was on his way to work (he was dressed for it) who had just checked up on our baby girl, recount how he felt looking at her: "she's so amazing! I could just look at her all day." Watching his face, how it lit up when he spoke of her, how his eyes shone with wonder and awe, his whole demeanour a picture of fascination and utter devotion.
When I woke up only minutes later, hearing Hubbie's car start up in the garage, I couldn't stop repeating the scenes of the dream in my head. You know when you've woken from a dream, and even though you know it was just a dream, you can't stop thinking of it and believing in it? I just kept thinking 'oh wow, our baby girl, Alana. What a unique name.' I kept thinking of how much love I had just developed, for this unplanned and unreal baby, that hadn't been in my consciousness for more than 20 minutes. Thinking of the love on Hubbie's face, the coinciding love that I too had felt, and the feelings of the dream just continued to overwhelm me. I couldn't stop thinking about it, however miraculously I was able to fall asleep again.
The dream itself and the subsequent emotions it produced in me are very out of the ordinary, as EVERY OTHER dream I've EVER had about being pregnant, or having a baby leads to both dream-feelings and after-dream-real-life-feelings of 'no, I'm not ready,' or 'no, I don't wanna do this' or 'I want this thing out of me but I don't wanna get it out, AHHH!'
Suffice to say that Hubbie and I are not yet in the middle of plans to extend the family. I have never despised children, but seeing as we both have sisters with children of their own, we have been first-hand witnesses to the struggles of raising them, and both the effort and commitment required to grow them up.
That combined with my open proclaimation that I am in a selfish phase (Hubbie likes to say we are simply 'enjoying' this phase of our marriage!), I want to be extra, extra, extra sure that I have certain things out of my system before we take the next big step. I need to be ready. Blonde tells me from her talks with mothers that you will never ever really be ready. Which is also quite scary if you think about being unprepared for the next step and having something growing inside of you. But I truly believe that I will feel something change in me, and I will know it is time.
However after this dream, I don't feel there needs to be much twisting of my arm, too much coaxing from Hubbie before we make the decision. When you feel the emotion of love, so true and so real in a dream, the feeling produced lasts long after the dream has ended. Like the fear brought about from a nightmare, so too does the feeling of love transfer into real life and extend long past days into weeks.
I guess I'm lucky, I have time on my side. We can't really do anything, seeing as our plan is first to build our house and move in and get settled before making any other big changes.
But, I can't lie, the dream has got my head ticking....ticking.....
Hubbie thinks Alana is an interesting name. I had to run the dream past him, of course :)
On an aside, it's also weird that I dreamt this, seeing as just recently I read and commented on a blog which I follow called "The Crymes Syndicate."
Margaret's post "The giraffe-necked baby was all in your head" recounts her dream of her unborn child, and it's a great read. You must check it out:
http://www.crymesyndicate.com/2010/08/giraffe-necked-baby-was-all-in-your.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+TheCrymesSyndicate+%28The+Crymes+Syndicate%29
And on an aside number 2, guess what one of the story highlights of the day are on todays My Daily News link?
"What should you eat to fall pregnant with a girl?"
Not. Joking.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Hello, House
I can see you. As I step up to the first step, and as I make my way through the front entrance, I marvel at the exquisite paintings and scultures, adorning the walls and the hallway to my left and my right.
As I peek into the master bedroom, to see a grand queen size bed, tallboy and a dresser, (all storage galore!) I am even more impressed upon further inspection to find an adjoining ensuite: double shower, further highlighted by 2 basins against the far wall, allowing plenty of space to get ready. Hint hint. The basins are lined underneath with a steady row of drawers, for any lotions, shampoos and make up products that need to be withdrawn within moments at any given time.
And connected to the ensuite is the motherboard: the walk-in-robe. Need I say more? Sections that allow full dresses to hang elegantly without touching the ground, paired with other hanger sections that allow jeans, tops, and singlets to co-exist harmoniously together, allowing ample room for all. A shelf runs along the top, for additional storage of mementos: photo albums, childhood treasures, and miscellaneous amounts of sentimental junk.
Out of the bedroom, down the short hallway and immediately to the left, I find the laundry. This here is a practical laundry: drawers lined up against the wall, which is in line with the washing machine and basin, are parallel to the high cupboards above which likewise stretch from wall to wall. And in one corner sits a full-length cupboard; there is no shortage of space in this laundromat.
Once I step out of the laundry, moving towards the back of the house, I reach the money shot. The living area. The huge all-encompassing space, that includes the kitchen, eating area and lounge, is all connected yet distinctly separate from one another in space and in style. Despite this, each zone flows into the next, creating a sort of chi, feng shui effect, that to the less-spiritual person, you just can't put your finger on.
The kitchen is a chef's dream: drawer upon drawer, cupboard upon cupboard, complimented beautifully with a spacious walk-in corner pantry. Large oven and cook-top, allow for fantastic meals to be prepared simply, easily and magnificently. The large rectangular bench-top, not only allows the proud host to prepare and cater to dinner party guests, but also acts as a double table; perhaps a good 6 people can eat around it.
The actual dining table, in the middle of the room has so much space, you can even add an extra table on either end to accomodate for additional guests! It provides a melodious space, a great melting pot for experiencing the food being prepared, to enjoying the comforts of the home in front of the television on the oh-so-comfy couch.
Speaking of the couch: what comfort it is to relax on you in the lounge. As I sit, taking in the luxuriousness, easiness, but also functionality of the huge living space, I'm able to breathe, relax and fully appreciate all that is around me, as it is all at my finger tips. The bookcase displaying your favourite reads on the right to the wall length windows, is only a short distance away from the buffet that stores the most flavoursome wines, liquers and spirits that your taste buds can easily grow accustomed to. Sitting here, as the fireplace looms on the opposite wall, I can easily see the day washing away, as I sink deeper and deeper into the couch, and deeper and deeper into an unconscious bliss.
The fireplace holds a surprise of its own, for on the other side, it houses a separate yet connected room, a reading room, or relaxing room you might say. What do you wish to do? Watch one of the movies from the ever-ranging DVD catalogue? Read a book in the comfy lounge chair, propped up by cushions that are so large they all but envelope you in their softness? Have a drink, just sit in the room and be? Or perhaps take a lie down on the wide angled couch, allowing the warmth of the double-sided fireplace to melt everything away? All this is possible in this room, where it becomes what you want it to.
Adjoining the lounge area, through the wide glass doors is the alfresco. This is an entertainment complex in its own right. Whether you choose to play a spot of billiards, sizzle a steak on the barbie, relax with a drink on the deck chairs, or simply enjoy the nostalgia that the walls around you paint: spotted with 60s, 70s and so forth memorabilia from around the world - cars, celebrities, personal items of worth - here you escape into another world. As with the lounge area you enjoy the space and luxuries around you, here you escape ALL spaces to become something entirely different. You're the star of the room, the pro of the billiards, the chef of the barbie, the celebrity sunning themself, cocktail in hand. It all happens here. Here anything and everything is possible.
Towards the end of the house, lie three bedrooms, ready and waiting. Do you want to be a guest here, and enjoy the not-so-humble joys of this home? You can :) And waiting for you will be a full sized wardrobe, to unpack your things and allow you to fully setlle in and enjoy all the delights that this experience has to offer. Come by yourself, or come with a partner or friend: there is room for all in the double bedroom rooms available. And nestled within the 3 bedrooms, with bathroom and toilet area, is the additional study. Practicality and functionality reign again as one wall in this study nook becomes a warm, inviting office space, for any personal projects you may wish to endeavour upon, while behind you lies a huge walk in cupboard, allowing additional space and storage for the keen host who says that storage is never enough (!)
The stunning mirrors, fantastic paintings, memorable photos, and modern sculptures that adorn this home, make it all the more brilliant. They paint a picture of the owners, one of warmth, love, creativity and style. Modern ideas fused with unique creations; it all comes together. The storage is there, as is the innovation. It is a perfect balance of functionality and fashion. I envy the style, the look, the lifestyle. This life is sublime.
As I finish this tour of the home, I realise: I am the host with the most. The chef with the sparkle in the kitchen. The celebrity with a cocktail sitting in the outside alfresco.
I am all of it. And I am all of it, because soon, it will all be mine.
The light is shining at the end of the tunnel. It is a tiny light, growing closer and closer every moment. I know, my time will come. And when it does, the house will sing and dance with happiness and love.
You are my house. I hope to see you in a year. And I hope that you are more magnificent in experience than in my dreams.
As I peek into the master bedroom, to see a grand queen size bed, tallboy and a dresser, (all storage galore!) I am even more impressed upon further inspection to find an adjoining ensuite: double shower, further highlighted by 2 basins against the far wall, allowing plenty of space to get ready. Hint hint. The basins are lined underneath with a steady row of drawers, for any lotions, shampoos and make up products that need to be withdrawn within moments at any given time.
And connected to the ensuite is the motherboard: the walk-in-robe. Need I say more? Sections that allow full dresses to hang elegantly without touching the ground, paired with other hanger sections that allow jeans, tops, and singlets to co-exist harmoniously together, allowing ample room for all. A shelf runs along the top, for additional storage of mementos: photo albums, childhood treasures, and miscellaneous amounts of sentimental junk.
Out of the bedroom, down the short hallway and immediately to the left, I find the laundry. This here is a practical laundry: drawers lined up against the wall, which is in line with the washing machine and basin, are parallel to the high cupboards above which likewise stretch from wall to wall. And in one corner sits a full-length cupboard; there is no shortage of space in this laundromat.
Once I step out of the laundry, moving towards the back of the house, I reach the money shot. The living area. The huge all-encompassing space, that includes the kitchen, eating area and lounge, is all connected yet distinctly separate from one another in space and in style. Despite this, each zone flows into the next, creating a sort of chi, feng shui effect, that to the less-spiritual person, you just can't put your finger on.
The kitchen is a chef's dream: drawer upon drawer, cupboard upon cupboard, complimented beautifully with a spacious walk-in corner pantry. Large oven and cook-top, allow for fantastic meals to be prepared simply, easily and magnificently. The large rectangular bench-top, not only allows the proud host to prepare and cater to dinner party guests, but also acts as a double table; perhaps a good 6 people can eat around it.
The actual dining table, in the middle of the room has so much space, you can even add an extra table on either end to accomodate for additional guests! It provides a melodious space, a great melting pot for experiencing the food being prepared, to enjoying the comforts of the home in front of the television on the oh-so-comfy couch.
Speaking of the couch: what comfort it is to relax on you in the lounge. As I sit, taking in the luxuriousness, easiness, but also functionality of the huge living space, I'm able to breathe, relax and fully appreciate all that is around me, as it is all at my finger tips. The bookcase displaying your favourite reads on the right to the wall length windows, is only a short distance away from the buffet that stores the most flavoursome wines, liquers and spirits that your taste buds can easily grow accustomed to. Sitting here, as the fireplace looms on the opposite wall, I can easily see the day washing away, as I sink deeper and deeper into the couch, and deeper and deeper into an unconscious bliss.
The fireplace holds a surprise of its own, for on the other side, it houses a separate yet connected room, a reading room, or relaxing room you might say. What do you wish to do? Watch one of the movies from the ever-ranging DVD catalogue? Read a book in the comfy lounge chair, propped up by cushions that are so large they all but envelope you in their softness? Have a drink, just sit in the room and be? Or perhaps take a lie down on the wide angled couch, allowing the warmth of the double-sided fireplace to melt everything away? All this is possible in this room, where it becomes what you want it to.
Adjoining the lounge area, through the wide glass doors is the alfresco. This is an entertainment complex in its own right. Whether you choose to play a spot of billiards, sizzle a steak on the barbie, relax with a drink on the deck chairs, or simply enjoy the nostalgia that the walls around you paint: spotted with 60s, 70s and so forth memorabilia from around the world - cars, celebrities, personal items of worth - here you escape into another world. As with the lounge area you enjoy the space and luxuries around you, here you escape ALL spaces to become something entirely different. You're the star of the room, the pro of the billiards, the chef of the barbie, the celebrity sunning themself, cocktail in hand. It all happens here. Here anything and everything is possible.
Towards the end of the house, lie three bedrooms, ready and waiting. Do you want to be a guest here, and enjoy the not-so-humble joys of this home? You can :) And waiting for you will be a full sized wardrobe, to unpack your things and allow you to fully setlle in and enjoy all the delights that this experience has to offer. Come by yourself, or come with a partner or friend: there is room for all in the double bedroom rooms available. And nestled within the 3 bedrooms, with bathroom and toilet area, is the additional study. Practicality and functionality reign again as one wall in this study nook becomes a warm, inviting office space, for any personal projects you may wish to endeavour upon, while behind you lies a huge walk in cupboard, allowing additional space and storage for the keen host who says that storage is never enough (!)
The stunning mirrors, fantastic paintings, memorable photos, and modern sculptures that adorn this home, make it all the more brilliant. They paint a picture of the owners, one of warmth, love, creativity and style. Modern ideas fused with unique creations; it all comes together. The storage is there, as is the innovation. It is a perfect balance of functionality and fashion. I envy the style, the look, the lifestyle. This life is sublime.
As I finish this tour of the home, I realise: I am the host with the most. The chef with the sparkle in the kitchen. The celebrity with a cocktail sitting in the outside alfresco.
I am all of it. And I am all of it, because soon, it will all be mine.
The light is shining at the end of the tunnel. It is a tiny light, growing closer and closer every moment. I know, my time will come. And when it does, the house will sing and dance with happiness and love.
You are my house. I hope to see you in a year. And I hope that you are more magnificent in experience than in my dreams.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
My ANGER Management - Part 1
I think there's something wrong with me.
That's what I was thinking a few days ago. Lately, I find myself in situations where I am so irritated/frustrated/angry by something said to me (usually be someone close to me mind you) that I end up just spitting back evil words at them, only to later feel slightly regretful, and embarrassed. I'm afraid I'm going to alienate everyone close to me, and I don't know why I'm acting this way.
Episode 1. I think this whole WAVE of negativity began about a month ago, at my nephews birthday party. My sister had decided to do the whole invite family and friends thing, so there was about 40 to 50 people there, easy.
Half way through the day, my older cousin, also a stirrer and shit-talker, yet somehow still entertaining and fun to be around ( I know, right? ) started saying to me things like
"so when are you having a housewarming party?"
"I wish I had your address so I could come to your house,"
and house-related things like that. It sooooo upset me. Why you may ask. Well months ago I had given that same cousin as well as the rest of my extended family, Hubbie and mine's new address, telling everyone they were free to come over. As for the housewarming, well we're busy enough as it is, and seeing as we plan to buy a new house soon, we'd rather do a big housewarming in the new house, as it will undoubtedly have more room to accomodate.
He was saying all this in front of a few of us, and he sooo put me on the spot, I could have wrung his neck. I went to Hubbie later and said "I give you full permission to stir the f*&^ out of him, he is totally shitting me," and explained to me what my dear old cousin was up to this week. I decided I would try and ignore him, until again, maybe half an hour later, he brings it up again, saying it loudly so this time Hubbie hears as well. There's more of a group now.
Hubbie spoke up, saying "ooooh, that's dirty," referring to the fact that this cosuin had our address and despite that was making us feel snobbish, like we didn't want him over. I was getting so fired up, and, almost yelling, I announced loudly "Cousin, stop talking shit, stop stirring the pot because you know the truth," and left it at that. He didn't say a word after, he and his wife left soon after because I think he was highly intoxicated.
Episode 2. I mentioned my cousin almost-pretty-much asking me to be her bridesmaid, and then not speaking of it again? Yes, that was my cousin. To be absolutely honest, I never expected her to ask me. So I wasn't counting on it. But I have some unleashed anger when it comes to her. I love her dearly, (we'll call her Legs) we get along so well. But it frustrates me when she constantly bags another cousin of ours, because the other cousin (who we shall call Fake) has tried to crack onto her fiance (then her boyfriend), when she knew that Legs was with him. Legs boyfriend was honest enough to tell her that, and ever since then she's been cautious around Fake, but hasn;t confronted her. So a lot of the time I end up listening to Legs bag Fake about being, well Fake. Funnily, Fake likes to spend a lot of time around Legs now, not really having cared before. Funny that.
Anyhow, I've had a strained relationship with Fake myself, for years now. She hasn't bothered to come to any functions in the last 10 years, and when I do see her, (albeit rarely) we all put on appearances, but she never tries to talk to me or find out about me, even though I have with her in the past. So now I don't even look at her. And I play her game when it comes to her.
Why upset then? Well, even before Legs got engaged and at her sort-of-engagement-party asked me to be (actually, TOLD me to be) her bridesmaid, I had a birthday party.
That was my first post. My first blog. And within that rant about birthdays not being the same anymore, and people not caring, is my rant within a rant about 'some people' choosing to go to their enemies birthdays, over going to the birthday of those they care about.
Yes, Legs went to Fake's birthday over mine, and actually lied to me about it. She told me she was going to stay at home because she couldn't get a ride into the city to my birthday, but at the last second she messaged me (after I asked her why she couldn't drive in herself), telling me that she was in fact going to Fake's birthday, because it was a 'Big One' and she'd feel bad not going to it.
All this a day after she spent a good amount of time bagging about Fake.
Liars and two-faced people, I don't understand. I realise if she had told me the truth, I still would've been hurt. But I would've known she'd been truthful, rather than deceitful.
Like this, things as they were, I was just MAD. And we never spoke about it properly. And it's been stewing in me since. She's not a bad person. I know she didn't mean bad. But she's extremely gullible, and I have no doubt all Fake had to do was give her a bit of a guilt trip about it being her 'big birthday' and all (of course it goes along with Fake's plan to keep Legs close to her, and Legs' boyfriend too) and Legs swayed without realising it.
After Legs' sort of bridesmaid invitation to me, a week later, we all saw each other again, including Fake. Of course as previously mentioned, Legs didn't say a thing about bridesmaids, however Fake once again was hanging exceptionally close to Legs, asking her all wedding related things. And I think my blood possible ran old when I heard Fake giggle to Legs, amidst wedding talk "when you put me as bridesmiad just make sure you pick a cute guy for me."
In that instant, I did not want to be bridesmaid. In fact, I immediately decided that if she ever did decide to formally ask me to be apart of her wedding, I'd have to decline if that Fake cousin of ours was going to be a part of it. I'd have to stand up for what I believed in, and I strongly believed that that was wrong.
I know Fake was just saying stuff. Throwing in hints because yes, she does wanna get close to Fake's fiance and his side of the family (surprise, surprise! guess what Fake they've all heard about your reputation!) which is why she wants to be bridesmaid. Legs has been laying low since, I havent heard a thing from her since then. I know she's working out bridal party stuff, so I won't be bothering her, I'll give her the decency to make a decision on her own merits. I actually have a spectacular dress to wear so I won't be worried! But if Legs turns to me and says "I've chosen Fake as one of my bridesmaids....."
I may just slap her out of protest and tell her where to go.
That's my second bout of anger problems.
Episodes 3, 4 and 5 will come tomorrow.
That's what I was thinking a few days ago. Lately, I find myself in situations where I am so irritated/frustrated/angry by something said to me (usually be someone close to me mind you) that I end up just spitting back evil words at them, only to later feel slightly regretful, and embarrassed. I'm afraid I'm going to alienate everyone close to me, and I don't know why I'm acting this way.
Episode 1. I think this whole WAVE of negativity began about a month ago, at my nephews birthday party. My sister had decided to do the whole invite family and friends thing, so there was about 40 to 50 people there, easy.
Half way through the day, my older cousin, also a stirrer and shit-talker, yet somehow still entertaining and fun to be around ( I know, right? ) started saying to me things like
"so when are you having a housewarming party?"
"I wish I had your address so I could come to your house,"
and house-related things like that. It sooooo upset me. Why you may ask. Well months ago I had given that same cousin as well as the rest of my extended family, Hubbie and mine's new address, telling everyone they were free to come over. As for the housewarming, well we're busy enough as it is, and seeing as we plan to buy a new house soon, we'd rather do a big housewarming in the new house, as it will undoubtedly have more room to accomodate.
He was saying all this in front of a few of us, and he sooo put me on the spot, I could have wrung his neck. I went to Hubbie later and said "I give you full permission to stir the f*&^ out of him, he is totally shitting me," and explained to me what my dear old cousin was up to this week. I decided I would try and ignore him, until again, maybe half an hour later, he brings it up again, saying it loudly so this time Hubbie hears as well. There's more of a group now.
Hubbie spoke up, saying "ooooh, that's dirty," referring to the fact that this cosuin had our address and despite that was making us feel snobbish, like we didn't want him over. I was getting so fired up, and, almost yelling, I announced loudly "Cousin, stop talking shit, stop stirring the pot because you know the truth," and left it at that. He didn't say a word after, he and his wife left soon after because I think he was highly intoxicated.
Episode 2. I mentioned my cousin almost-pretty-much asking me to be her bridesmaid, and then not speaking of it again? Yes, that was my cousin. To be absolutely honest, I never expected her to ask me. So I wasn't counting on it. But I have some unleashed anger when it comes to her. I love her dearly, (we'll call her Legs) we get along so well. But it frustrates me when she constantly bags another cousin of ours, because the other cousin (who we shall call Fake) has tried to crack onto her fiance (then her boyfriend), when she knew that Legs was with him. Legs boyfriend was honest enough to tell her that, and ever since then she's been cautious around Fake, but hasn;t confronted her. So a lot of the time I end up listening to Legs bag Fake about being, well Fake. Funnily, Fake likes to spend a lot of time around Legs now, not really having cared before. Funny that.
Anyhow, I've had a strained relationship with Fake myself, for years now. She hasn't bothered to come to any functions in the last 10 years, and when I do see her, (albeit rarely) we all put on appearances, but she never tries to talk to me or find out about me, even though I have with her in the past. So now I don't even look at her. And I play her game when it comes to her.
Why upset then? Well, even before Legs got engaged and at her sort-of-engagement-party asked me to be (actually, TOLD me to be) her bridesmaid, I had a birthday party.
That was my first post. My first blog. And within that rant about birthdays not being the same anymore, and people not caring, is my rant within a rant about 'some people' choosing to go to their enemies birthdays, over going to the birthday of those they care about.
Yes, Legs went to Fake's birthday over mine, and actually lied to me about it. She told me she was going to stay at home because she couldn't get a ride into the city to my birthday, but at the last second she messaged me (after I asked her why she couldn't drive in herself), telling me that she was in fact going to Fake's birthday, because it was a 'Big One' and she'd feel bad not going to it.
All this a day after she spent a good amount of time bagging about Fake.
Liars and two-faced people, I don't understand. I realise if she had told me the truth, I still would've been hurt. But I would've known she'd been truthful, rather than deceitful.
Like this, things as they were, I was just MAD. And we never spoke about it properly. And it's been stewing in me since. She's not a bad person. I know she didn't mean bad. But she's extremely gullible, and I have no doubt all Fake had to do was give her a bit of a guilt trip about it being her 'big birthday' and all (of course it goes along with Fake's plan to keep Legs close to her, and Legs' boyfriend too) and Legs swayed without realising it.
After Legs' sort of bridesmaid invitation to me, a week later, we all saw each other again, including Fake. Of course as previously mentioned, Legs didn't say a thing about bridesmaids, however Fake once again was hanging exceptionally close to Legs, asking her all wedding related things. And I think my blood possible ran old when I heard Fake giggle to Legs, amidst wedding talk "when you put me as bridesmiad just make sure you pick a cute guy for me."
In that instant, I did not want to be bridesmaid. In fact, I immediately decided that if she ever did decide to formally ask me to be apart of her wedding, I'd have to decline if that Fake cousin of ours was going to be a part of it. I'd have to stand up for what I believed in, and I strongly believed that that was wrong.
I know Fake was just saying stuff. Throwing in hints because yes, she does wanna get close to Fake's fiance and his side of the family (surprise, surprise! guess what Fake they've all heard about your reputation!) which is why she wants to be bridesmaid. Legs has been laying low since, I havent heard a thing from her since then. I know she's working out bridal party stuff, so I won't be bothering her, I'll give her the decency to make a decision on her own merits. I actually have a spectacular dress to wear so I won't be worried! But if Legs turns to me and says "I've chosen Fake as one of my bridesmaids....."
I may just slap her out of protest and tell her where to go.
That's my second bout of anger problems.
Episodes 3, 4 and 5 will come tomorrow.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
December is what happened
Well, it has been one crazy month. Crazy busy as I like to say, and also crazy-blogless.
What can I say? December is my answer :) Christmas presents, thank you cards for the wedding, and it seems like a million other things, as we've been busy every weekend and even weeknights.
What is new? We have a bird. Well it's not a brand NEW bird but it's Hubbie's bird, having recently relocated to our place from his parents. He is quite the character. We reckon he's a Leo because he always wants to be the centre of attention and yells a lot.
We've done more to our house, which is great, it's more presentable and has more gadgety things (!) but at the same time, we're looking to move into a bigger house.
Two recent episodes from the last month which stand out to me now, are to do with the issue of invitations. Something about this topic I always come back to. Maybe because my very first blog was concerned with invitations I had verbally and electronically given out for my birthday.
But anyway, in the last month, I have been told I was going to be a bridesmaid by a bride-to-be, and then subsequently have had no mention of it by the bride-to-be at the next gathering (albeit not as drunk gathering.) I may speak about this in detail in a future blog, if I feel like it. It's complicated. I'm sure you have time.
And after that incident, in another blow, I found out my best friend and her boyfriend already had made New Years plans without us, passing on to spending New Years with her boyfriends best friend and girlfriend.
.................................................
Just giving you a moment to think about that one. It's not like we're exclusive to each other, that we only see each other and only go out with each other, nothing like that. Just don't say you forgot when I ask you about your New Years plans. I know it may not have been deliberate, but funny how they (minus my bestie) were talking about reservations at a hotel for their New Years plans a few weeks ago, while Hubbie and I sat next to them at a concert. Interesting to hear that we'd been 'forgotten' when we were within earshot.
Interesting.
I understand that I could be blowing it all out of proportion once again, as that's what I do best, because it could have been my bestie's boyfriends best mate's girlfriend
........................................................................................
catched up? - that had planned the night, therefore you can't really invite others when someone has invited you and planned it.
If that's it that's cool.
But I don't get the forgotten bit. Hubbie and I don't forget people. So how do people forget us? Like honestly, is that saying something about people in general? Or am I making an ant into an elephant, once again?
I think it's to do with my other issue..... of which I may or may not divulge in a future blog.
That's my bit for now.
What can I say? December is my answer :) Christmas presents, thank you cards for the wedding, and it seems like a million other things, as we've been busy every weekend and even weeknights.
What is new? We have a bird. Well it's not a brand NEW bird but it's Hubbie's bird, having recently relocated to our place from his parents. He is quite the character. We reckon he's a Leo because he always wants to be the centre of attention and yells a lot.
We've done more to our house, which is great, it's more presentable and has more gadgety things (!) but at the same time, we're looking to move into a bigger house.
Two recent episodes from the last month which stand out to me now, are to do with the issue of invitations. Something about this topic I always come back to. Maybe because my very first blog was concerned with invitations I had verbally and electronically given out for my birthday.
But anyway, in the last month, I have been told I was going to be a bridesmaid by a bride-to-be, and then subsequently have had no mention of it by the bride-to-be at the next gathering (albeit not as drunk gathering.) I may speak about this in detail in a future blog, if I feel like it. It's complicated. I'm sure you have time.
And after that incident, in another blow, I found out my best friend and her boyfriend already had made New Years plans without us, passing on to spending New Years with her boyfriends best friend and girlfriend.
.................................................
Just giving you a moment to think about that one. It's not like we're exclusive to each other, that we only see each other and only go out with each other, nothing like that. Just don't say you forgot when I ask you about your New Years plans. I know it may not have been deliberate, but funny how they (minus my bestie) were talking about reservations at a hotel for their New Years plans a few weeks ago, while Hubbie and I sat next to them at a concert. Interesting to hear that we'd been 'forgotten' when we were within earshot.
Interesting.
I understand that I could be blowing it all out of proportion once again, as that's what I do best, because it could have been my bestie's boyfriends best mate's girlfriend
........................................................................................
catched up? - that had planned the night, therefore you can't really invite others when someone has invited you and planned it.
If that's it that's cool.
But I don't get the forgotten bit. Hubbie and I don't forget people. So how do people forget us? Like honestly, is that saying something about people in general? Or am I making an ant into an elephant, once again?
I think it's to do with my other issue..... of which I may or may not divulge in a future blog.
That's my bit for now.
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