Great, thanks

So I did have a truly awesome birthday celebration in true Miss S extravaganza style. Sorry I should say celebrations.




I think my new age has brought with it a little bit more maturity. Although there were things that happened over my birthday weekend that would have normally upset me, that would have made me focus and concentrate on pesky miniscule non-issues, instead I've been trying, somewhat successfully, to let it all go, and just relax.



For example, my Friday night out. It only ended up being 7 of us in total. Despite several work friends saying they were coming, and despite my cousins Legs and Hair promising they would be there, as well as some other friends, none of the above mentioned came: work duties prevailed, tiredness, soreness and general lack of motivation. The 15-ish number I expected to come, halved.

I made a split decision in that moment on Friday night. Receiving those regretful messages on my mobile I thought "this is the moment that will create the rest of my night.... how will I respond to it?"

After a tiny bit of "ohhhhh" and disappointment, I decided to let it all go and focus on having an awesome night. And I did!

Similarly, when 2 of our closest friends couldn't make it to my house party on Saturday night, I did revert back to whingy, whiny unhappy 2-year-old tantrum Miss S: "But I don't want them to be sick! Why are they sick??"

But again, I put on my positive mask, and really, with the 20-odd people I had there that night, it really wasn't that bad losing 2, as we had our hands tied with everyone else. And it meant that our friends who missed it came by last night (resulting in a very late night I might add, yawn!) prolonging my birthday celebrations even FURTHER!

See, positive, positive? LOL.

It's so easy. So easy to just fall into that negative downward spiral. Especially when in the past year I've had people in my close circle of family and friends disappoint me in various ways. The best thing that has happened to me of late is the talk I had with my mum and my sister. I'm thinking of the words that my sister said to me, telling me that she's seen me so angry and negative, so tense and mad, and thought to herself that that's not me. I'd let myself turn into a person I'm not.

So now I'm focusing on the good, ol' Miss S.

Yes, I could choose to be upset about my cousins promising to come to my party, and then not following through. Rather than be upset, I should focus on the reasons why, and realise that no human is a superbeing. No one person can do everything at the same time, and expect to be everywhere at once. Their intention was there, despite their failing to show. And if I feel that I'm not as close to them as I used to be (and I do really feel that), well I should look at myself. I should look at what I can do for them, to show them I care. Which I will endeavour to do over the coming months.

As for work friends...... well, that's just the way it is. And although I didn't know how I was going to come back to work today after my week off, and whether or not I'd drop a comment like "no one from work came," when I came in, I saw that they actually looked like they cared about me! I mean my boss was really nice, all sorry about missing the night out, others were actively asking me about my birthday and my time off, I even had a birthday card on my desk from one of them, apologies from another...... and you know what? I thought to myself, if I had been in their position, of being invited to one of their parties with the probability that I may be the only one there amongst work friends.... I wouldn't have gone either.

I've come to the conclusion, that with work colleagues, it's fine to not see each other outside of work. As long as we're nice whilst at work, well I think that's all that really matters. We do get along. We just have different interests and friends outside of work, which makes perfect, complete sense. And I'm okay with that.

I think the whole key here, is when faced with such a problem, whether with a family member, close friend, or work colleague, whatever a person may be to you, is to ask yourself:

"what would I do in their position?"

"what can I do in our relationship to make this better?"



and most importantly, to not look at any issue in the upmost negative light. Rather than jumping the gun and going straight to the worst possible scenario, think of the more probable one.

If someone doesn't come to your party, it's not because they hate you; maybe they got tied up. Maybe they're tired. On the other side of town. They have a sore back. They don't wanna come alone. Explanations like that are so much more easier to deal with, for mind, body and spirit.

I think the worst thing is to feel like you're entitled, like you're owed something. No one owes you anything. You will only get things from putting work into it. And unless you look at what you can do, all you will continue to get is the same negative feelings of "why didn't they/couldn't they/wouldn't they...."

your WHOLE life.

When I think about it (yes I am thinking A LOT lately) the 7 people I had on Friday night, coupled with the 20 on Saturday.... that's 27 people. 27 people who care for me, love me, and made the time and effort to see me for my birthday.

That's a lot. What are the statistics, something like having only 2 or 3 real friends in your whole life? I compare that with all the people I've seen this last weekend, and including our awesome buddies last night, and I can't help but smile. My statistics are awesome. Quality not quantity, remember?



There. Now I'm done with my little Dr Phil spiel. I think I'll go now and make some light-hearted convo with my work buddies.....

"Make sure I always drink 150 litres of water a day." "Okay."

Those were my whispery, pain-induced words, last night at 3am in the morning after I took 2 panadols to stop the jack-hammer that was forcing its way out of my head, crack by crack at a time.


Never mind the stomach cramps, no those were child's play compared to the head cracking.

It had been a long day. A hard, long day at times, towards the end though, it had actually turned out great. However most of the day I was all "Woe is me." I wasn't liking it one bit.


I spent a good majority of it whinging about all things surrounding my birthday.



I want lots of people to come out to the bar on Friday night.

I want lots of people to come out so it makes up for last years poor performance.

What about Saturday's party, will my cousins be upset I didn't invite them?

Will they see my facebook photos and be upset? Will it start a war?

Why haven't they come to my place yet?

Why should I throw an official party so they come?

Crying. Whinging. Depressed. Sobbing. Just all round down, down, down.

I'd had some deep and meaningfuls with my mum and sister over the past 2 days. Although they meant well, those talks definitely contributed to my downfall in demeanour.

It happens every year. Every year, leading up to my birthday, something REALLY gets me down. Like clockwork something happens. I'm starting to think that it's because I put soooo much emphasis on my birthday, and I build it up and look forward to it so much that quite inevitably, the slghtest thing happens to trigger an onslaught of negative emotions. Either someone upsets me, I remember something bad (yes I get THAT sensitive), someone doesn't agree with me, etc, etc. And suddenly the tidal waves of tears crash down with fierce intensity.

Hubbie was awesome. After getting me to snap out of my stupid/sad/pathetic state, I slowly went through my bullshit arguments to try clear up all the sadness I was feeling overwhelmed by.


1. Who cares who comes on Friday night? I knew for a FACT that I would definitely be with Hubbie, Red, Blonde and Mr Wine. Our group would rock the joint and have the most fun ever! It's not the quantity of people, rather the quality.


2. As above, with the addition of, so what? The difference between this year and last, is I won't be holding on to expectations of waiting for people to turn up and make me happy. I'll be happy because I'll make the happiness.


3. No. Firstly, because our house doesn't fit a million people, secondly, any cousins that I've called for Friday night will be called for Saturday, and thirdly, they themselves might even be otherwise engaged with the multitude of August birthdays that we have in our familial calendar!


4. No, because who doesn't come Friday, won't be called Saturday. And if they don't come Friday, most likely because they're busy Friday and/or Saturday.


5. Because they want a freakin' formal invite and the red carpet to be rolled out (hence the deep and meaningfuls before mentioned with Mum and Sister).

6. Because, at the end of the day, they do love me, they do care, and if they didn't they wouldn't have showered Hubbie and I with so much love, affection and presents as they did on the events leading up to our wedding day, including the big day.

Ok, so the last 2 points weren't entirely related to the birthday topic, but they did prove a point of confusion for me yesterday.

So I eventually got better-er, saw Blonde, Red and friends again last night for a catch-up (after seeing Blonde after her flight back here on Sunday).


However my new-found joy didn't help the fact that in the midst of my rage-fuelled depression during the day, and contributing-developing stomach cramps, I had failed to drink enough water. I had in fact, drank very little water, and that coupled with the fact that I had cried a few oceans, left me as dry as a desert.


Bringing us back to the post title. Lying in bed after taking my drugs, I was trying to keep myself very still in order to keep my head from throbbing so much. Every movement brought with it more pain. I'd never experienced anything like it. I'd never really had headaches, EVER until perhaps the age of 18 onwards, and even then I'd say "my head hurts" instead of "I have a headache," because it didn't seem so bad. And I soon learnt that I only got them (however rarely) when I didn't drink enough water.

Usually sleep washes it away. I wake up all refreshed and the 'hurt' is gone. I know drinking water isn't enough, especially at that late stage, so sleep is really the best medicine. But it clearly wasn't enough last night. I fell asleep and found myself tossing and turning, for 3 hours, until I reached such a painful point that I was mercifully thrown from my half-asleep stupor into full consciousness, whining, whispering "I have such a headache."



And then, while I waited for the wonderful drugs to kick in, I let Hubbie know, whimpering, in my struggling, agonised tone of voice,


"Make sure I always drink 150 litres of water a day."

"Okay." he whispered back.



(P.S My Birthday Extravaganza is gonna be Awesome!)

My ANGER Management - Part 1

I think there's something wrong with me.




That's what I was thinking a few days ago. Lately, I find myself in situations where I am so irritated/frustrated/angry by something said to me (usually be someone close to me mind you) that I end up just spitting back evil words at them, only to later feel slightly regretful, and embarrassed. I'm afraid I'm going to alienate everyone close to me, and I don't know why I'm acting this way.



Episode 1. I think this whole WAVE of negativity began about a month ago, at my nephews birthday party. My sister had decided to do the whole invite family and friends thing, so there was about 40 to 50 people there, easy.

Half way through the day, my older cousin, also a stirrer and shit-talker, yet somehow still entertaining and fun to be around ( I know, right? ) started saying to me things like

"so when are you having a housewarming party?"

"I wish I had your address so I could come to your house,"



and house-related things like that. It sooooo upset me. Why you may ask. Well months ago I had given that same cousin as well as the rest of my extended family, Hubbie and mine's new address, telling everyone they were free to come over. As for the housewarming, well we're busy enough as it is, and seeing as we plan to buy a new house soon, we'd rather do a big housewarming in the new house, as it will undoubtedly have more room to accomodate.



He was saying all this in front of a few of us, and he sooo put me on the spot, I could have wrung his neck. I went to Hubbie later and said "I give you full permission to stir the f*&^ out of him, he is totally shitting me," and explained to me what my dear old cousin was up to this week. I decided I would try and ignore him, until again, maybe half an hour later, he brings it up again, saying it loudly so this time Hubbie hears as well. There's more of a group now.



Hubbie spoke up, saying "ooooh, that's dirty," referring to the fact that this cosuin had our address and despite that was making us feel snobbish, like we didn't want him over. I was getting so fired up, and, almost yelling, I announced loudly "Cousin, stop talking shit, stop stirring the pot because you know the truth," and left it at that. He didn't say a word after, he and his wife left soon after because I think he was highly intoxicated.



Episode 2. I mentioned my cousin almost-pretty-much asking me to be her bridesmaid, and then not speaking of it again? Yes, that was my cousin. To be absolutely honest, I never expected her to ask me. So I wasn't counting on it. But I have some unleashed anger when it comes to her. I love her dearly, (we'll call her Legs) we get along so well. But it frustrates me when she constantly bags another cousin of ours, because the other cousin (who we shall call Fake) has tried to crack onto her fiance (then her boyfriend), when she knew that Legs was with him. Legs boyfriend was honest enough to tell her that, and ever since then she's been cautious around Fake, but hasn;t confronted her. So a lot of the time I end up listening to Legs bag Fake about being, well Fake. Funnily, Fake likes to spend a lot of time around Legs now, not really having cared before. Funny that.



Anyhow, I've had a strained relationship with Fake myself, for years now. She hasn't bothered to come to any functions in the last 10 years, and when I do see her, (albeit rarely) we all put on appearances, but she never tries to talk to me or find out about me, even though I have with her in the past. So now I don't even look at her. And I play her game when it comes to her.



Why upset then? Well, even before Legs got engaged and at her sort-of-engagement-party asked me to be (actually, TOLD me to be) her bridesmaid, I had a birthday party.

That was my first post. My first blog. And within that rant about birthdays not being the same anymore, and people not caring, is my rant within a rant about 'some people' choosing to go to their enemies birthdays, over going to the birthday of those they care about.

Yes, Legs went to Fake's birthday over mine, and actually lied to me about it. She told me she was going to stay at home because she couldn't get a ride into the city to my birthday, but at the last second she messaged me (after I asked her why she couldn't drive in herself), telling me that she was in fact going to Fake's birthday, because it was a 'Big One' and she'd feel bad not going to it.

All this a day after she spent a good amount of time bagging about Fake.

Liars and two-faced people, I don't understand. I realise if she had told me the truth, I still would've been hurt. But I would've known she'd been truthful, rather than deceitful.

Like this, things as they were, I was just MAD. And we never spoke about it properly. And it's been stewing in me since. She's not a bad person. I know she didn't mean bad. But she's extremely gullible, and I have no doubt all Fake had to do was give her a bit of a guilt trip about it being her 'big birthday' and all (of course it goes along with Fake's plan to keep Legs close to her, and Legs' boyfriend too) and Legs swayed without realising it.



After Legs' sort of bridesmaid invitation to me, a week later, we all saw each other again, including Fake. Of course as previously mentioned, Legs didn't say a thing about bridesmaids, however Fake once again was hanging exceptionally close to Legs, asking her all wedding related things. And I think my blood possible ran old when I heard Fake giggle to Legs, amidst wedding talk "when you put me as bridesmiad just make sure you pick a cute guy for me."



In that instant, I did not want to be bridesmaid. In fact, I immediately decided that if she ever did decide to formally ask me to be apart of her wedding, I'd have to decline if that Fake cousin of ours was going to be a part of it. I'd have to stand up for what I believed in, and I strongly believed that that was wrong.



I know Fake was just saying stuff. Throwing in hints because yes, she does wanna get close to Fake's fiance and his side of the family (surprise, surprise! guess what Fake they've all heard about your reputation!) which is why she wants to be bridesmaid. Legs has been laying low since, I havent heard a thing from her since then. I know she's working out bridal party stuff, so I won't be bothering her, I'll give her the decency to make a decision on her own merits. I actually have a spectacular dress to wear so I won't be worried! But if Legs turns to me and says "I've chosen Fake as one of my bridesmaids....."

I may just slap her out of protest and tell her where to go.



That's my second bout of anger problems.



Episodes 3, 4 and 5 will come tomorrow.