Coffee makes me go freaking insane

(Sing along to UB40s ‘Red Red Wine’)




Rich, dark, coffeeeeeee



Goes to my headddddd



Makes me believe that I



Can conquer the worldddddddd…



This is so true. It is Friday morning, I have my coffee sitting at my right, conveniently next to my mouse so that instead of getting back to work I can just reach out and take in some warm and inviting goodness instead. Puh, work. On a Friday? Whatever.



Coffee is natural, coffee is fun, coffee is best when it’s ‘One on One.’



Ok so I’m quoting George now, but really coffee IS natural, and it IS fun! And for the other, well of course…



I’m rambling now, I know. I’m psycho like this. I believe my Friday morning coffee increases my focus and heightens my work efficiency by about 40%. A shame that the only work I do is actually not work, instead my various writing projects.



(I have this post, I have another post in the back of my mind, and I have another journal post to write… ahh! The words are coming at me and I have to get them down!)



Yes. I believe my word frequency increases by approximately 30% after a feel-good caffeine kick-start. I have no research to support these statistics, only my mad mind estimating.



Despite all this extra efficiency and keen alertness, I couldn’t for the life of me work out a math riddle this morning. And my simple equations, I freaking know, my friend:



A work colleague asked me to buy him a muffin from the café where I buy my cappuccino from. My regular coffee is $3.40. He gave me $5.00. When I bought the muffin and coffee, the guy said he’d give me the special price (of course) of $5.00. First I thought, ‘just the muffin?’ until I realised he meant BOTH, combined. That IS special.



So my task was to calculate the muffin price, right, to give my work colleague the correct change back. So $5.00 - $3.40 (being the price of my muffin, so far so good) = $1.60. No! $3.40 being the price of my coffee, damn it!

Ok so if his muffin cost $1.60, $5.00-$1.60=…$3.40. Fuck me. I gave him $1.60. I couldn’t freaking work out the equation standing there half an hour ago with my coffee warming my head. I mean my hand. (Argh) On paper it makes sense…



Ahh! I didn’t even do that right. I gave him $3.60, not $1.60. See? Even then I overpaid him 20 cents. Whatever man, whatever…



I’m so fucking confused right now. Even putting it on paper doesn’t make much sense.



See what coffee does? It makes me right, like all good, and makes me forget my math’s shit…



(The above were two obvious deliberate spelling/grammar mistakes, like duh, like as if I would ever… :) )