Going with the flow

It may just be me over-reacting, and looking into things too much again (in true Miss S style), however I think my parusesis phobia has just re-categorised itself, and in doing so, bit me in the bottom.

I feel soooo embarrassment right now. Yes embarrassment. In the words of all those women out there with light-shaded tresses.

So just a moment ago at work (where else, I may as well move in here) I had to move my car into the building due to the fact of working later tonight, and DON'T get me started on the moral and safety issues associated with parking away from the building, that's for another blog post.


But I really had to go to the toilet to pee, and so in I went. The female toilets on our level are a 2-cubicle toilet, and so when I went in, I saw a fellow worker fixing herself up, putting on make up and just generally fluffing up her appearance. And I also saw that one of the cubicles were engaged.


Now let me digress for a moment here. In a post I wrote quite a few months ago, that included nothing else but my current ramblings about my life, I mentioned the fact that I had parusesis, the phobia of urinating in a public place. I certainly don't consider it a condition, much the way that I don't think many arachnophobes note down their fear of spiders in the medical section when applying for health insurance. But nonetheless, it is a phobia, and yes it's irrational. In this prior post I mentioned how I only seemed to be affected when there was one other person in the toilet. I guess the thought of many people pee-ing with me in unison doesn't worry me, however being on stage and performing for only one other person in the bathroom, does.


I don't know what it is. Not just for me, but the other people out there who also have this stupid, totally irrational phobia (like every other irrational phobia?) I mean, we all have to pee. As we all have to shit. No, I'm not mincing my words here, we all pretend we don't, but clearly we do. If as a race we didn't pee and shit, we'd all be screwed, like in the most medical of fashions. But, just something about the private practive of excreting our waste, makes some of us get more unreasonably uncomfortable than others.


So back to today. I was like 'ok Miss S, cool, you can do this, there are 2 people in here.'


I went into the cubicle, and I could hear the girl in the adjoining cubicle, now freely pee-ing. She clearly has no parusesis whatsoever. I was hoping that would help me, as her loud urinating would shadow my own, blocking out the sound of my pee-ing all together. But as I stood there, pants down, I just couldn't do it. It was as if my bladder actually froze up, and went 'nuh-uh, no way.'


Frustrated, I pulled up my pants, and ripped off some toilet paper to throw in the bowl, trying to make it seem like I had done something. Unrelieved, I stepped out, made some light convo with the girl getting ready, and with the freely pee-ing girl who had just stepped out, and left the bathroom.


I didn't wanna leave it like this. I had to move my car, so I knew I'd be gone about 10-15 minutes at the most. I was hoping that by the time I got back, getting-ready girl would have left the bathroom, and I could go back into the toilet, pee freely without the burden of other people present, and be off on my way. Pee Free.

I considered myself EXTREMELY lucky in that as I walked back into the building after moving my car, I passed getting-ready girl going into the car park. This was lucky because I wasn't sure how I was going to scope out the bathroom without going in there. Certainly I couldn't go in there, see her still there and just turn around. No then I would just look weird (and talking about pee-ing in a blog post clearly isn't?!)


So, knowing getting-ready girl was out of my way, and pee-freely girl was all out of pee so she too shouldn't come into the bathroom again for a while, I confidently walked in.


The coast was clear. No one.


So, I did my business, thinking all the while how perfect it was that I saw getting-ready girl on my way in, and that she would definitely in no way, come back to the bathroom again.


Definitely, NO WAY, she would come into the bathroom again, after I'd seen her walking out. Right?


As I was washing my hands, the door opened, and guess who came in.


Yes. That's right. Getting-ready girl.


She sort of didn't say anything, just gave a sheepish smile, and she herself went into one of the toilet cubicles.


I could have died. I was sooooo embarrassment. In a timeframe of 15 to 20 mins, she had seen me in the toilet cubicles twice, and was now most definitely thinking 1 of 3 things:


1. I have a weird bladder that makes me go to the toilet heaps.


2. The number says it all. I came back for that (kill me now).


3. I didn't go before, and FAKED it then, to come back now. Which is the truth, but still weird when uncovered.



Either way I look like the biggest weirdo ever. I did try to focus my weird energy on her, and wondered why after spending so much time in the bathroom she didn't think to ever go to the toilet then, but I noticed that along with returning to the bathroom she also ended up returning to work for a bit, so that was odd. Some pressing matters perhaps? So to speak :) LOL anything to lighten the mood.


So although she went to the toilet twice (I can't work out why) I'm all concerned with me being perceived as weird, of course, because I'm freaking abnormal with my toilet habits.


Sigh. See what I mean? Not only did my original definition of my numero uno grade parusesis redefine itself to a greater category, that of just simply PARUSESIS with no exceptions, but I embarrassed myself, and now I don't know what she is thinking.


Either way, whether she is thinking of one of the above explanations as to why I went to the toilet twice, or all of them, or even in my wildest dreams NONE of them, the fact remains that anything having to do with you going to the toilet, and someone observing you displaying an odd toilet habit, is greatly (all together now)...


EMBARRASSMENT.


Good thing I'm not that close with her. Oh well I may just blurt something out to her in the upcoming Christmas party. That should solve all my toilet issues.


All this talk of pee-ing has made me want to urinate now.


I have to go.


Wish me luck.