A few days ago I celebrated my birthday, 26 years young.
I've come to a few grown-up realisations since then, of which I'm planning to share in the coming weeks.
My biggest realisation and simultaneous disappointment, surrounded my birthday, in particular the party I planned in celebration of me.
After a lot of what should I do conversations with hubbie and friends, followed by where should I go, and who should I invite, I finally decided on a fairly upmarket bar in the city, where I could meet with friends for drinks and good convo, hopefully followed by some bar hopping late into the night.
Was I excited? Hell yes. Well, actually, I'd been too caught up in newly married life to get excited in the whole anticipation of the event, as with the kind of person I am, I am the sort to get overly excited in the anticipation of an event, like my birthday. Birthdays to me are sacred, special, and something to be milked to the absolute extreme. I milk my birthday the week leading up to the big day, the week following the big day, in fact I think I claim the entire zodiac month as my own until the next sign comes into centre stage.
But as mentioned, I had been preoccupied with house and married things. Nonetheless I was looking forward to a night out partying.
The fabulousness of Facebook allowed me to post the event and invite my friends to it: I had planned on inviting just the close ones, but the sheer volume of people who are my "friends" overwhelmed me to the point where I felt I must also invite those who I hadn't spoken to in months and months and even years.
But I was cautious, I knew some of them rarely checked their Facebook so I also messaged everyone.... and waited.
So there were those that said yes..... the few that said maybe, the few that said no, and then the many who didn't say anything. Not a word. Not even via message.
The day came, and admittedly I was trying not to set myself up for disappointment, however secretly I was hoping everyone who didn't reply plus the "maybes" would all surprise me by rocking up.
Who came that night? Well let me count on my two hands....
Other than me and hubbie, it was my bestie and her boy, my other relatively good bestie and her boy, plus two work friends.
That's it, zilch, zero, nada, nema nista.
Out of the definite 13 that said they would come via the net, only 2 arrived, with several of them suddenly announcing they wouldn't be able to come last minute, none of the maybes arrived, and still no word from the no responsees, some who had once been my closest friends. Ahem, once.
Mind you, I almost had organised a separate room at this bar, thank God they were all booked out, as my expected group of 20 had quickly diminished into an 8.
Mind you, I still had a great night, got pretty smashed, so you could say it was a successful night! But it just wouldn't leave my mind! I had so many questions....
Firstly, what had happened to the "Birthday?" I remember a time, growing up, when I used to have Birthday parties at home, and they were always the absolute best. Not being bias, but everyone who attended agreed. It was the hottest ticket. Whether I was celebrating my 10th, 15th or 21st, all my various and long-standing friends throughout the years thoroughly enjoyed my parties. And how could they not? After all my parents, who'd hosted a million Birthdays, Christmas', Easters and New Years parties, were strongly skilled in the art of making the best party! I don't know if it was that natural love of everything they did, or whether it was the food, drink or dance, but everyone, family and friends alike, loved coming to our place.
Because really, who doesn't love a party? Who says "no thanks, but I'd rather stay at home alone."
So I became sad. For my birthday. When was it, where was it, what was the turning point to make people go, "no, thanks, I'd rather stay at home"?
Is it the fact that home parties are so much easier? Easier to transport yourself to? Is the city that far away, and the winter that cold, that the thought of a fun night out is outweighed by the distance needed to travel and the chill in the air? Sadly for some, it clearly is.
Secondly, what happened to those "friends" who said they were coming, and then on the night, didn't show up? No message of sorry I can't get there, no explanations. Am I the only one left to have the decency to keep my promises, only speak with honesty, and at the very least if my plans change make a bloody phone call?
Has Facebook created a genearation of say-but-not-do-ers, who promise but don't deliver? What's most disappointing is when it comes from those you genuinely trust and belive in, those who have always come to your birthdays. That's the disappointing part.
Thirdly, the best and last, is having some of your friends say they'll come, and then make up a poor excuse about not being able to come, when in fact they have opted to go to another birthday, of a person they actually despise. Yes, there are ears everywhere my friends.
So how does that work? Choosing your genuine friend over your not so genuine friend who by-the-way, you were bagging a few days ago???
Life always seems to surprise me somehow, and this was no exception.
I know that things happen. Shit happens. But you know, does shit happen to everyone? And when shit happens, does it make people forget to call and speak to you? Even one of my friends who couldn't make it because of a death in the family, was able to call. Puts all the rest to shame!
So, back to my main topic.... what has happened to birthdays? What has happened to my birthdays? The days where everyone would be so excited to come over, and then talk about it after for weeks to come....
What kind of society do we live in if it means that we can make empty promises, if we fail to follow up were we havent followed through? Where we choose our enemies to suss out their game, over our friends who have always stood by us...
Really, despite how it sounds, I'm over it. I'm almost.... enlightened by the events, rather than being disenchanted, which at first I was. It's shown me who cares. Am I looking into it too much.....hmmmm no. Because at the end, it's about respect. Respect the person who gives it you. And if you give and don't get back, well then...... are you wasting your time?
Next year, I'm getting smashed at home. With my closest. And Facebook and SMS-ing won't be involved.
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