I mentioned in my first post, that since my birthday I'd grown up and realised a few truths. One of those involved an old friend. Well, used-to-be-friend? Let me explain.
There was a girl, who years and years ago I was the absolute most, best, friends with. We were besties from primary school right up until early high school. About 7 years I'd say. We even survived moving schools and different friends. A fond memory I have, which I guess isn't a specific memory but nontheless, was us being in grade 1 or 2, and after spending the whole day together at school, still calling each other up at the end of the night to talk more. I mean, come on, how much do 7 year olds have to say to each other?
Then puberty came along. Well, call it puberty, call it growing up, changing, what you like. My side of the story is that I felt she was changing. In particular, a certain friend of hers, I felt was making her change, making her act differently, making her, not... her.
And I must admit. I was probably jealous. Upset by the fact that this was a new friend that she was hanging out with a lot. It didn't help that her new friend was quite frankly, a bitch. Yes, she was quite up herself and derogatory in her comments and general demeanour. So the story was, I didn't like her, or her influence on my bestie.
But I kept quiet. And instead vented in my diary. I'd kept a diary for years and loved the therapeutic benefits of storytelling my life. Much the reason why I've started blogging. Sadly I feel like I don't have time for old-fashioned diary writing in my life anymore, which is why the convenience of having a computer at work has helped me start blogging.
So one day, after an overseas trip I had taken with my parents, my bestie had come over so I could give her a low down on my trip, in particular any guy gossip that may have occurred.....?
I was still shy and old-fashioned. No I hadn't picked up while I was there, although there had been guy situations, but nothing like what she expected.
So I felt a bit of her disappointment, already in that short time of her visit. She was already "experienced" in the art of picking up, or that was how she portrayed it, probably due to her bitchy friend. So her stage of life was far advanced to mine, or that was how I was made to feel.
Anyway, I was going through my diary to jog my memory, recounting the holiday to her, when I was called for lunch. I remember this next moment clearly. We were both sitting on my bed. I left the diary on my bed. Unlocked but closed. It had one of those little locks which you needed a key to open, however the lock went around a metal hook, in order to keep the pages hidden and safe from being read. And I very clearly remember the book being slightly propped up by the hook, but it was still closed. I guess it's hard to envisage if you haven't had one of these diaries, but you get the picture.
And I walked away, leaving her alone in my room.
When I came back, 15 minutes later, I sat back down on the bed to continue my holiday recounting process. And noticed the hook part of the diary had "slipped." It was now not propping up the book's pages, the book was fully closed, with the hook slightly on the side.
This was not a hook that could move by itself. Even shuffling around on a bed could not move it. It had been moved.
Which only meant one thing. She had read my diary.
And I knew it. She was different. Quiet. Contemplative. Short answers, small conversation.
I didn't say a thing. Acted normal. I ended up walking her to her house, sussing out her body language. We said goodbye as normal. Said we'd talk again and catch up soon. And that was it.
That was the last day she was my best friend.
I thought about it that night. She had read my diary. Not only had she read it, invading my personal space and betraying my trust, but ironically, in doing so she had discovered MY betrayal of her. For within those pages I had had bursts of rage, both at her and at her friend. She would have seen this undoubtedly, on my "graffiti page" where I just wrote random thoughts and feelings as teens do on their school folders and pencil cases.
I know I could have called her. I could have confronted her about it, or I could have explained myself. But I chose to stay quiet. I didn't like the person she had become, and I was angry.
Days, weeks, months past. Not one of us made an effort to contact the other. A mutual friend of ours (well, more my friend, as she was my OTHER best friend, who went to her high school) spoke to her, and it seems the gist of it was that I wasn't calling, so why should she?
We were in a battle of who cared most to break down the stubborn barrier.
In fact, sadly, we never did make up. Our relationship remained as it was, unfinished, undefined, up-in-the-air. We hadn't even had a proper fight to warrant not speaking. I had chosen her betrayal, and also her changing personality, to just give up. She had undoubtedly chosen MY betrayal, to stand her ground. And so, a great friendship of 7 years, just disappeared.
There was minimal contact. On my birthday the following year, she contacted me to wish me a happy birthday. I said we should catch up in the next few weeks. But I never called her. And she took that as rejection. I wasn't ready, and the wounds were still fresh. I was still upset.
Then when her birthday came around, I was ready. I called to wish her a happy birthday, just as she had done for me the previous year. This time she said it: "We should catch up in the next few weeks, I'll call you."
I knew what that really meant. It was as if I could hear her inner voice speaking out to me over her audible voice, saying "stuff you, you can wait now."
And I was right, she didn't call.
But what happened years later? Something I never would've expected. A place I'd never have expected myself to be........ To be Continued
Friday, August 28, 2009
To: "The Scrag"
To the stupid cow who gave me the finger this morning whilst bullying her way through traffic to get to work, I have this to say: Screw You.
Although your appearance reminds me of a battered alien, I do realise that this physical comparison doesn't allow you to pop your eyes out from your head to look beyond my car and realise that the reason I have stopped at the lights is because the lane ahead of me is full, and I unlike you, you wretched excuse of a human being, have the compassion and human decency to NOT WANT to block the intersection.
So please, if you realise that you don't have the power to read traffic situations like a supernatural being, why do you get upset?
Next time you beep at the person in front of you and give them the finger, ask yourself if you could have woken up earlier: this would have helped you be in a better mood and arrive earlier to work, and you could have spent more time getting yourself ready in the morning, therefore improving your appearance.
Oh sorry, that can't be helped.
Signed:
Miss S (don't stuff with me woman!)
Although your appearance reminds me of a battered alien, I do realise that this physical comparison doesn't allow you to pop your eyes out from your head to look beyond my car and realise that the reason I have stopped at the lights is because the lane ahead of me is full, and I unlike you, you wretched excuse of a human being, have the compassion and human decency to NOT WANT to block the intersection.
So please, if you realise that you don't have the power to read traffic situations like a supernatural being, why do you get upset?
Next time you beep at the person in front of you and give them the finger, ask yourself if you could have woken up earlier: this would have helped you be in a better mood and arrive earlier to work, and you could have spent more time getting yourself ready in the morning, therefore improving your appearance.
Oh sorry, that can't be helped.
Signed:
Miss S (don't stuff with me woman!)
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Fluro-coloured glasses and how they trick us
The grass is always greener isn't it?
You could be eating some fantastic noodles (as I was a few nights back) and suddenly your partners freshly made salad sandwich looks sooooo good. Funnily enough, he was eyeing my noodles.
Why do we do this?
You know why? Because when we look at others lives, we see them through our fluro-coloured glasses, making everything seem, well brighter. And more spectacular.
We need to take those fluro glasses and turn them inward, so that when we look at our own lives we see how lucky we are.
Instead of envying the girl whose sporting the latest season's jacket, remind yourself that you have killer legs a model would die for.
When you see that guy, carrying on like no tomorrow and making the whole room laugh, being the life of the workplace, remind yourself that when you go home, someone who loves you is waiting for you, and is happy to see you.
Now, this is not about comparing yourself to others and putting yourself on a pedestal above them. It's about remembering that EVERYONE has something going for them. Yes you too.
Just yesterday I was wishing I had more time. It's the constant struggle of our lives, isn't it, constantly wanting to do more than what we are capable of. I was thinking how I'd love to be able to get home earlier from work, so that I could cook and then be free to do whatever I wanted... whether it was finish New Moon (yes I'm still reading it, I only just got married people, so don't badger me!) or catch up on True Blood eps, or clean up the bloody upstairs rooms from all our wedding presents!
I was thinking how nice it would be to work a shorter day, or how nice it would be if I didn't spend 2 hours of my day driving to and from work.
However today, I'm being shouted lunch, from my great boss.
Now, how many people can say that about their work life? Really, just look at that simple sentence..... I may spend many hours at work, and I may spend hours driving due to it, however my rewards for it come in other forms.
And everyone has a sentence like that, somewhere in their lives. Only thing is, if we view our OWN lives with those fluro-coloured glasses, we'll find that there are more sentences like that in our lives. We'll see we have more than that other person, who suddenly, is standing on a bed of faded yellow-green grass.
It's all about perception. That's the beauty of it. Things around you change when you do.
Now I know this has gone from a "the grass is not always greener" clarification to one about life and choices.
But they're connected.
Now I'm off to lunch.
You could be eating some fantastic noodles (as I was a few nights back) and suddenly your partners freshly made salad sandwich looks sooooo good. Funnily enough, he was eyeing my noodles.
Why do we do this?
You know why? Because when we look at others lives, we see them through our fluro-coloured glasses, making everything seem, well brighter. And more spectacular.
We need to take those fluro glasses and turn them inward, so that when we look at our own lives we see how lucky we are.
Instead of envying the girl whose sporting the latest season's jacket, remind yourself that you have killer legs a model would die for.
When you see that guy, carrying on like no tomorrow and making the whole room laugh, being the life of the workplace, remind yourself that when you go home, someone who loves you is waiting for you, and is happy to see you.
Now, this is not about comparing yourself to others and putting yourself on a pedestal above them. It's about remembering that EVERYONE has something going for them. Yes you too.
Just yesterday I was wishing I had more time. It's the constant struggle of our lives, isn't it, constantly wanting to do more than what we are capable of. I was thinking how I'd love to be able to get home earlier from work, so that I could cook and then be free to do whatever I wanted... whether it was finish New Moon (yes I'm still reading it, I only just got married people, so don't badger me!) or catch up on True Blood eps, or clean up the bloody upstairs rooms from all our wedding presents!
I was thinking how nice it would be to work a shorter day, or how nice it would be if I didn't spend 2 hours of my day driving to and from work.
However today, I'm being shouted lunch, from my great boss.
Now, how many people can say that about their work life? Really, just look at that simple sentence..... I may spend many hours at work, and I may spend hours driving due to it, however my rewards for it come in other forms.
And everyone has a sentence like that, somewhere in their lives. Only thing is, if we view our OWN lives with those fluro-coloured glasses, we'll find that there are more sentences like that in our lives. We'll see we have more than that other person, who suddenly, is standing on a bed of faded yellow-green grass.
It's all about perception. That's the beauty of it. Things around you change when you do.
Now I know this has gone from a "the grass is not always greener" clarification to one about life and choices.
But they're connected.
Now I'm off to lunch.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Summer is your Saturday, so today must be Spring
Driving to work today, I started to think about how great it was that it was Friday. Isn't it odd, how the whole anticipation of Friday afternoon and the weekend, the whole lead-up to it, is actually in some ways better and more thrilling than experiencing the actual weekend?
I think it's due to our wild imaginations. In our heads we have a multitude of plans and ideas, people to see, places to go and things to do, and the thought of all the endless possibilities create pure excitement. More often than not, we don't even get to do half of what we planned to do, then we get to Sunday, and as quickly as the excitement welled up, just as quick does it diminish when you see what's around the corner.
The start of the working week.
It's much like the seasons.
I love summer. Love, love, love it. I would rather be caught up in a boiling hot stinking day than be freezing my absolute you-know-what off. It is soooooo uncomfortable when it is cold. Yet when it's warm you can relax, read a book, tan, go for walks, shopping, eat out....... not that you can't do that in horrible weather (hehe) but you know, the wind and rain sort of ruins it. And in summer, well the sun shines on everything you do. :)
So I got to thinking. It's not the most mind-blowing of metaphors, but it works for me. The end of the working week is much like the anticipation of summer (well for those that favourably anticipate it.)
Friday is like the end of Winter, start of Spring, where you start to get that crisp Sunny weather, but it's still cold enough to remind you that it's not swimming weather yet.
Not that it matters that you have to wait, because you're already excited! It's here, it's here! Just knowing it's close, it's around the corner, is all you need. So you start to plan what you'll do on all your sunny days off, where you'll go, where you'll walk, eat, shop and just sun around. You make all of these plans, and it puts a right big smile on your face. :)
Then suddenly, before you know it, it's Summer! Like your Saturday, you go about doing all the big things you planned for, and hey, you do enjoy yourself! But somewhere in the back of your mind, you're thinking "something unfavourable is just around the corner," and as much as you try to put it out of your mind, you can't seem to forget the fact that the chill is approaching, in both literal and figurative terms. But time moves too quickly. All these things you plan on doing, well you're lucky if you do half of them. Time ticks and slips away through your fingers and you suddenly start to wish you had more time. But because you don't know a crazy old scientist with a DeLorean time machine, you can't really do much about it.
Quicker than you can click your fingers, Autumn is here. Sunday and Autumn are reflective times, when you look back at the good times you've just had, and try brace yourself for what's ahead. You try to enjoy it as well, hey it's not that bad, not yet, but to no avail. You've past the best and now the only way to look is forward.
And then it comes. Winter again. Monday morning.
It's a cycle, that we perform every week, every year. Despite not getting anything really done, and despite being disappointed when Monday comes around, we still allow ourselves to get excited over and over again, knowing in the back of our minds that we'll soon be disappointed.
But we're human. We need something to look forward to.
In the end, all you can do is look forward to Friday again, so the sun can start to shine on you.
I think it's due to our wild imaginations. In our heads we have a multitude of plans and ideas, people to see, places to go and things to do, and the thought of all the endless possibilities create pure excitement. More often than not, we don't even get to do half of what we planned to do, then we get to Sunday, and as quickly as the excitement welled up, just as quick does it diminish when you see what's around the corner.
The start of the working week.
It's much like the seasons.
I love summer. Love, love, love it. I would rather be caught up in a boiling hot stinking day than be freezing my absolute you-know-what off. It is soooooo uncomfortable when it is cold. Yet when it's warm you can relax, read a book, tan, go for walks, shopping, eat out....... not that you can't do that in horrible weather (hehe) but you know, the wind and rain sort of ruins it. And in summer, well the sun shines on everything you do. :)
So I got to thinking. It's not the most mind-blowing of metaphors, but it works for me. The end of the working week is much like the anticipation of summer (well for those that favourably anticipate it.)
Friday is like the end of Winter, start of Spring, where you start to get that crisp Sunny weather, but it's still cold enough to remind you that it's not swimming weather yet.
Not that it matters that you have to wait, because you're already excited! It's here, it's here! Just knowing it's close, it's around the corner, is all you need. So you start to plan what you'll do on all your sunny days off, where you'll go, where you'll walk, eat, shop and just sun around. You make all of these plans, and it puts a right big smile on your face. :)
Then suddenly, before you know it, it's Summer! Like your Saturday, you go about doing all the big things you planned for, and hey, you do enjoy yourself! But somewhere in the back of your mind, you're thinking "something unfavourable is just around the corner," and as much as you try to put it out of your mind, you can't seem to forget the fact that the chill is approaching, in both literal and figurative terms. But time moves too quickly. All these things you plan on doing, well you're lucky if you do half of them. Time ticks and slips away through your fingers and you suddenly start to wish you had more time. But because you don't know a crazy old scientist with a DeLorean time machine, you can't really do much about it.
Quicker than you can click your fingers, Autumn is here. Sunday and Autumn are reflective times, when you look back at the good times you've just had, and try brace yourself for what's ahead. You try to enjoy it as well, hey it's not that bad, not yet, but to no avail. You've past the best and now the only way to look is forward.
And then it comes. Winter again. Monday morning.
It's a cycle, that we perform every week, every year. Despite not getting anything really done, and despite being disappointed when Monday comes around, we still allow ourselves to get excited over and over again, knowing in the back of our minds that we'll soon be disappointed.
But we're human. We need something to look forward to.
In the end, all you can do is look forward to Friday again, so the sun can start to shine on you.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Go ahead, throw yourself a Birthday party.... it'll show you who really cares
A few days ago I celebrated my birthday, 26 years young.
I've come to a few grown-up realisations since then, of which I'm planning to share in the coming weeks.
My biggest realisation and simultaneous disappointment, surrounded my birthday, in particular the party I planned in celebration of me.
After a lot of what should I do conversations with hubbie and friends, followed by where should I go, and who should I invite, I finally decided on a fairly upmarket bar in the city, where I could meet with friends for drinks and good convo, hopefully followed by some bar hopping late into the night.
Was I excited? Hell yes. Well, actually, I'd been too caught up in newly married life to get excited in the whole anticipation of the event, as with the kind of person I am, I am the sort to get overly excited in the anticipation of an event, like my birthday. Birthdays to me are sacred, special, and something to be milked to the absolute extreme. I milk my birthday the week leading up to the big day, the week following the big day, in fact I think I claim the entire zodiac month as my own until the next sign comes into centre stage.
But as mentioned, I had been preoccupied with house and married things. Nonetheless I was looking forward to a night out partying.
The fabulousness of Facebook allowed me to post the event and invite my friends to it: I had planned on inviting just the close ones, but the sheer volume of people who are my "friends" overwhelmed me to the point where I felt I must also invite those who I hadn't spoken to in months and months and even years.
But I was cautious, I knew some of them rarely checked their Facebook so I also messaged everyone.... and waited.
So there were those that said yes..... the few that said maybe, the few that said no, and then the many who didn't say anything. Not a word. Not even via message.
The day came, and admittedly I was trying not to set myself up for disappointment, however secretly I was hoping everyone who didn't reply plus the "maybes" would all surprise me by rocking up.
Who came that night? Well let me count on my two hands....
Other than me and hubbie, it was my bestie and her boy, my other relatively good bestie and her boy, plus two work friends.
That's it, zilch, zero, nada, nema nista.
Out of the definite 13 that said they would come via the net, only 2 arrived, with several of them suddenly announcing they wouldn't be able to come last minute, none of the maybes arrived, and still no word from the no responsees, some who had once been my closest friends. Ahem, once.
Mind you, I almost had organised a separate room at this bar, thank God they were all booked out, as my expected group of 20 had quickly diminished into an 8.
Mind you, I still had a great night, got pretty smashed, so you could say it was a successful night! But it just wouldn't leave my mind! I had so many questions....
Firstly, what had happened to the "Birthday?" I remember a time, growing up, when I used to have Birthday parties at home, and they were always the absolute best. Not being bias, but everyone who attended agreed. It was the hottest ticket. Whether I was celebrating my 10th, 15th or 21st, all my various and long-standing friends throughout the years thoroughly enjoyed my parties. And how could they not? After all my parents, who'd hosted a million Birthdays, Christmas', Easters and New Years parties, were strongly skilled in the art of making the best party! I don't know if it was that natural love of everything they did, or whether it was the food, drink or dance, but everyone, family and friends alike, loved coming to our place.
Because really, who doesn't love a party? Who says "no thanks, but I'd rather stay at home alone."
So I became sad. For my birthday. When was it, where was it, what was the turning point to make people go, "no, thanks, I'd rather stay at home"?
Is it the fact that home parties are so much easier? Easier to transport yourself to? Is the city that far away, and the winter that cold, that the thought of a fun night out is outweighed by the distance needed to travel and the chill in the air? Sadly for some, it clearly is.
Secondly, what happened to those "friends" who said they were coming, and then on the night, didn't show up? No message of sorry I can't get there, no explanations. Am I the only one left to have the decency to keep my promises, only speak with honesty, and at the very least if my plans change make a bloody phone call?
Has Facebook created a genearation of say-but-not-do-ers, who promise but don't deliver? What's most disappointing is when it comes from those you genuinely trust and belive in, those who have always come to your birthdays. That's the disappointing part.
Thirdly, the best and last, is having some of your friends say they'll come, and then make up a poor excuse about not being able to come, when in fact they have opted to go to another birthday, of a person they actually despise. Yes, there are ears everywhere my friends.
So how does that work? Choosing your genuine friend over your not so genuine friend who by-the-way, you were bagging a few days ago???
Life always seems to surprise me somehow, and this was no exception.
I know that things happen. Shit happens. But you know, does shit happen to everyone? And when shit happens, does it make people forget to call and speak to you? Even one of my friends who couldn't make it because of a death in the family, was able to call. Puts all the rest to shame!
So, back to my main topic.... what has happened to birthdays? What has happened to my birthdays? The days where everyone would be so excited to come over, and then talk about it after for weeks to come....
What kind of society do we live in if it means that we can make empty promises, if we fail to follow up were we havent followed through? Where we choose our enemies to suss out their game, over our friends who have always stood by us...
Really, despite how it sounds, I'm over it. I'm almost.... enlightened by the events, rather than being disenchanted, which at first I was. It's shown me who cares. Am I looking into it too much.....hmmmm no. Because at the end, it's about respect. Respect the person who gives it you. And if you give and don't get back, well then...... are you wasting your time?
Next year, I'm getting smashed at home. With my closest. And Facebook and SMS-ing won't be involved.
I've come to a few grown-up realisations since then, of which I'm planning to share in the coming weeks.
My biggest realisation and simultaneous disappointment, surrounded my birthday, in particular the party I planned in celebration of me.
After a lot of what should I do conversations with hubbie and friends, followed by where should I go, and who should I invite, I finally decided on a fairly upmarket bar in the city, where I could meet with friends for drinks and good convo, hopefully followed by some bar hopping late into the night.
Was I excited? Hell yes. Well, actually, I'd been too caught up in newly married life to get excited in the whole anticipation of the event, as with the kind of person I am, I am the sort to get overly excited in the anticipation of an event, like my birthday. Birthdays to me are sacred, special, and something to be milked to the absolute extreme. I milk my birthday the week leading up to the big day, the week following the big day, in fact I think I claim the entire zodiac month as my own until the next sign comes into centre stage.
But as mentioned, I had been preoccupied with house and married things. Nonetheless I was looking forward to a night out partying.
The fabulousness of Facebook allowed me to post the event and invite my friends to it: I had planned on inviting just the close ones, but the sheer volume of people who are my "friends" overwhelmed me to the point where I felt I must also invite those who I hadn't spoken to in months and months and even years.
But I was cautious, I knew some of them rarely checked their Facebook so I also messaged everyone.... and waited.
So there were those that said yes..... the few that said maybe, the few that said no, and then the many who didn't say anything. Not a word. Not even via message.
The day came, and admittedly I was trying not to set myself up for disappointment, however secretly I was hoping everyone who didn't reply plus the "maybes" would all surprise me by rocking up.
Who came that night? Well let me count on my two hands....
Other than me and hubbie, it was my bestie and her boy, my other relatively good bestie and her boy, plus two work friends.
That's it, zilch, zero, nada, nema nista.
Out of the definite 13 that said they would come via the net, only 2 arrived, with several of them suddenly announcing they wouldn't be able to come last minute, none of the maybes arrived, and still no word from the no responsees, some who had once been my closest friends. Ahem, once.
Mind you, I almost had organised a separate room at this bar, thank God they were all booked out, as my expected group of 20 had quickly diminished into an 8.
Mind you, I still had a great night, got pretty smashed, so you could say it was a successful night! But it just wouldn't leave my mind! I had so many questions....
Firstly, what had happened to the "Birthday?" I remember a time, growing up, when I used to have Birthday parties at home, and they were always the absolute best. Not being bias, but everyone who attended agreed. It was the hottest ticket. Whether I was celebrating my 10th, 15th or 21st, all my various and long-standing friends throughout the years thoroughly enjoyed my parties. And how could they not? After all my parents, who'd hosted a million Birthdays, Christmas', Easters and New Years parties, were strongly skilled in the art of making the best party! I don't know if it was that natural love of everything they did, or whether it was the food, drink or dance, but everyone, family and friends alike, loved coming to our place.
Because really, who doesn't love a party? Who says "no thanks, but I'd rather stay at home alone."
So I became sad. For my birthday. When was it, where was it, what was the turning point to make people go, "no, thanks, I'd rather stay at home"?
Is it the fact that home parties are so much easier? Easier to transport yourself to? Is the city that far away, and the winter that cold, that the thought of a fun night out is outweighed by the distance needed to travel and the chill in the air? Sadly for some, it clearly is.
Secondly, what happened to those "friends" who said they were coming, and then on the night, didn't show up? No message of sorry I can't get there, no explanations. Am I the only one left to have the decency to keep my promises, only speak with honesty, and at the very least if my plans change make a bloody phone call?
Has Facebook created a genearation of say-but-not-do-ers, who promise but don't deliver? What's most disappointing is when it comes from those you genuinely trust and belive in, those who have always come to your birthdays. That's the disappointing part.
Thirdly, the best and last, is having some of your friends say they'll come, and then make up a poor excuse about not being able to come, when in fact they have opted to go to another birthday, of a person they actually despise. Yes, there are ears everywhere my friends.
So how does that work? Choosing your genuine friend over your not so genuine friend who by-the-way, you were bagging a few days ago???
Life always seems to surprise me somehow, and this was no exception.
I know that things happen. Shit happens. But you know, does shit happen to everyone? And when shit happens, does it make people forget to call and speak to you? Even one of my friends who couldn't make it because of a death in the family, was able to call. Puts all the rest to shame!
So, back to my main topic.... what has happened to birthdays? What has happened to my birthdays? The days where everyone would be so excited to come over, and then talk about it after for weeks to come....
What kind of society do we live in if it means that we can make empty promises, if we fail to follow up were we havent followed through? Where we choose our enemies to suss out their game, over our friends who have always stood by us...
Really, despite how it sounds, I'm over it. I'm almost.... enlightened by the events, rather than being disenchanted, which at first I was. It's shown me who cares. Am I looking into it too much.....hmmmm no. Because at the end, it's about respect. Respect the person who gives it you. And if you give and don't get back, well then...... are you wasting your time?
Next year, I'm getting smashed at home. With my closest. And Facebook and SMS-ing won't be involved.
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