The sun helps me forget about annoying people

What to write, what to write....

Last night in bed, laying there all furious/sad/frustrated, I was pondering my next blog post, and wondering how best to proceed.

You see I was going to write about Mouth, who I am considering re-naming Motor-Mouth after yesterdays stellar performance.

I was going to write about how self-centred and self-absorbed and 'self self self' people, are sooooo infuriating and WRONG WRONG WRONG. Not only is it rude and selfish (because I haven't mentioned enough 'self' words) but it is condescending in that by only talking about yourself and caring about you and you only, you are disrespecting those around you, indirectly saying, "you are not important enough for me to talk about and pay attention to." There is so much wrong that I can go on about it for days. But, as I said, I WAS gonna write about it.


Then I was going to write about tall-poppy syndrome. I feel it is way too prevalent in Australian society. I mean, I haven't lived in other parts of the world long enough to know how it is elsewhere, but all too often, when someone reaches great success, joy in love, wealth of money, life happiness or any other personal achievement, sad to say, but those around them cut their stems down with their verbal slander.

I've noticed just recently how people around me respond and react when my job comes up. Working for a large media organisation that is known to most people, the immediate response, from my friends and family no less (obviously jealous and distant family) a comment will be made in how the organisation is crappy with their service, doesn't make the right choices in light of their customers needs, is inferior to their competitors, etc, along with any other negative or derogatory comment. Most often it is done in humour, but there is a European quote, a saying, that goes along the lines of "the joke and the truth are like brother and sister." And I find it soooooo interesting that no one ever says "Oh I love the service, I love the output, I love EVERYTHING from your organisation!"

No, that never happens. Because they're jealous.

It makes me sick. I never go to other people and say "hey! that food distribution company you work for, their canned tomatoes are shit house."

I don't say "the retail chain that you work for has the shittest clothes. Their clothes are only for bogans."

No I don't. Because that would be focusing on the negative and shutting people down.

Do you see where I'm going? They won't ever mention my organisations competitors, or say a negative remark about them. Nooooooooo. That would be indirectly praising the company I work for!

I'm not an overly biased person. If something, or someone, or an organisation makes an error, I will poke fun at it and complain, even if it's an organisation I work for. I don't pity anyone or anything. But come one, be reasonable, be fair people. Don't be jealous.

Negative, jealous, annoying people. People are soooooo annoying. I will definitely say it to the next person who remarks negatively about my job. Their little straw will break my back, and the words will come tumbling out in a BIG way.

But no. I WAS gonna write about tall-poppy syndrome, but I won't.


Instead, I can't help but be influenced by the sun. The glorious sun, that up until recently was shining through the big glass windows on the left side of the large co-departmental room we all work in. I say that because the nobs on that side of the room have decided to pull the blinds down in order to work.

Sad, sad, people.

But it's ok. Starting work earlier today means I leave earlier. And enjoy the beautiful warmth of the sun. And I have had 3 comments already (maybe 4 I've lost count) on my red heart-shaped dangly earrings, which I've had for so long and only cost me 5 bucks. Old, cheap but funky.

So I'm feeling not bad. :)


Although things in my home life are shitting me, work life is pretty good. Is that a bit sad? Feeling like you enjoy your work life more than your home one?

I too often find myself relaxing at work, and just forgetting about the worries of life with all the annoying people in it.

That is worry-some. Especially since my dream is to work for myself either writing books or making wedding videos. When that eventuates I wouldn't have any contact with the people I see now at work. The only people I'd see are.........

the annoying ones.

(Shudder)

I better enjoy what I have now.

I like Anonymity

I've just been on Blogger for the past short while, clicking and clicking on the 'Next Blog' button, hoping against hope that I will come across a blog like my own. Sure, there are some awesome blogs I follow that are about both random things and life experiences, much like my own. But I want to find more. I want to see if there is anyone actually like-minded out there, like me. Anyone who is fascinated by people and their behaviours. Anyone who is curious about life, searching for the hidden meanings. Anyone striving for excellence, aiming to achieve their dreams. Someone like moi.

But alas, no. Every single time I hit 'Next Blog' I come across either an all-Spanish blog or a parenting, child-focused blog. Now don't get me wrong, I have nothing against Spaniards nor parents and their kids. However, I can't exactly read Spanish, so if I happened to stumble across the best Spanish blog since churros were invented, I would have absolutely no chance of knowing it. As for all the parent/kiddy blogs out there, again, nothing against you. Hey, when I have kids, I have no doubt I'll start up a whole new blog about my new world of parenting exploits and child-rearing revelations. And as I've mentioned in other posts, I do love kids. However I don't want to hear about them EVERY-SINGLE-DAY. I have my my sister-in-law for that.

No kidding, this isn't the first time I've come across so many blogs about Spaniards and parents. It seems that the world of Blogger is FILLED with them.
I guess that's what you expect: I don't have many followers (um, at last count, let me think...... 1? LOL. Thank you Margaret:))
Followers=Blogs you read.
I'm sure some would disagree with me. I think it's like a case of the Chicken vs the Egg scenario, and what came first. Let me explain.

In my blog-world, it goes like this: the Followers are the 'Chicken.' The subsequent blogs YOU follow, are the 'Egg.' It follows (LOL) that Followers that add themselves to your page, create more blogs for you to view and admire.

You see a new follower > "Oooooh goody!" > "Hmmm, let me check out this blog" > "Oooooh this blog is cool"> "I think I will follow that blog."

Yes that's the actual cycle people, that's how it goes. Verbatim ;P
And yes, I DO believe the chicken came first. It then evolved over time and created the egg. My theory anyway.

So, the fact that I have one follower, means I myself follow very few blogs. Thus far. I'm sure there is someone out there who can contest this theory of mine, but I have no business arguing with a blogger who has 10,000 followers but follows none only because their blogging experience is akin to having the most friends on facebook. 'Nuff said. So don't go there. I'm talking genuine bloggers with genuine sincerity in blogging.

Hey, no pity, please. I actually don't mind it. I like the anonymity. It means that I can continue to bitch and moan about people who shit me in my life, without ever worrying that someone out there will realise who I am. I didn't the create the oh-so-not-really-original-but-if-you-knew-me-you'd-know-where-it-came-from pseudonym of Miss S for nothing. If anyone out there who knows me stumbles across my blog, they wouldn't have any idea it was me blogging. Not even my little teeny photo reveals much :) (Making sense now, huh???)

I like blogging. I consider it like my own personal diary. And as I've long since stopped writing in my diary, (1. because when I write I go on forever and my hand hurts, and
2.typing is much quicker and less time consuming, and
3.I can do it at work!)
this is my only other avenue to explore the things in my head, my life, my world.

So I'm cool with it. Having less followers means I can continue being me, and not worrying about the potential repercussions of someone I know possibly coming across my blog. (That's not to say I don't want followers, I can deal with that, honestly I can!) Seriously though, the only person who even knows I blog is Hubbie, and he's never even read ANY of my posts (maybe better that for now) because he seriously, is not much of a reader. My family don't know. My sister. My besties. My work buddies. My cousins. EVERYONE and ANYONE who knows me is totally clueless to my random ramblings about me and them and everything in my life. He he. If you read my other posts, you'll KNOW that NO ONE in my personal life knows I blog :)

I guess I'm just saying I'm happy where I am right now, exploring everything about my life as I continue my quest to achieving my dreams of writing and wedding video creating.
Speaking of. I was saying to Hubbie last night, as I drove, high on one alcoholic drink, (don't drink-drive people)  from his sisters to my sisters place.
Me: "Writing is the best kind of fame....."
Hubbie : (listening, probably wondering what random shit would come out of my mouth now)
Me: "....because you are FAMOUS, but only the people that read your books know about you. It's the best of both worlds. You live a normal life most of the time, and only your fans make you feel like a celebrity."
Hubbie: (nodding now, smiling. He does talk, it just so happens he was listening exceptionally well last night in the car)
Me: "That's what I'm gonna be. An Author. Australia's answer to Stephenie Meyer. Do you know who that is?"
Hubbie: "Who?" (finally, a word!)
Me: "Uhhhh, Twilight? Yes, thank you very much. Of course, being Australia's answer to her means I will be famous on a lesser scale, but I can still deal with that."

Ahhh dreams. Yes, not only do I dream psycho weird dreams when my eyes are closed at night, but I also dream during the day with my eyes wide awake. I think I will end with a T.E. Lawrence quote, one that I read AGES ago, but didn't remember and rediscover 'til just recently (it's a quote sort of month). It is quite appropriate given my musings about dreams, and also consequently fuels my desire to achieving my dreams even MORE if that's even possible.

“All men dream, but unequally. Those that dream at night in the dusty recesses of their minds awake the next day to find that their dreams were just vanity. But those who dream during the day with their eyes wide open are dangerous men; they act out their dreams to make them reality.” -T.E. Lawrence

Thank you Mr. Lawrence. Thank you.

I just don't know

I don't know what to write about. I have so many thoughts running through my head, so many things that have plagued my mind with worry, confusion and wonder these last few days, that it seems like a snowball of 'stuff' is just rolling around in my head, with the passing of time just helping it to gather more moss.


Sometimes you feel you try so so hard, but to no avail. That's how I felt a couple of days ago, when confronted with (or should I say bombarded with) again by Mouth.

I went into that night thinking "I am sooo pumped, I'm so happy, I'm not letting anything upset me, we are gonna have a super night!"

And after walking into her house, within half an hour I was muttering under my breath sarcastic remarks such as "Ohh, finally a positive comment."

I don't know why it is. I don't know why she gets under my skin so. I can't handle the selfishness. The world that revolves around her and her only. The 'me me me' attitude. "My dress, my day, my house, my kids, my job..." it just goes on and on.

Surely there are many people that could handle this kind of behaviour. They could smile politely and just sort of brush it off. All the while knowing how ignorant and egotistical the behaviour was. However it would not annoy them and bother them the way it does me.

I think because I am so aware of my behaviour, my actions and my words, that when I see someone who so clearly has unfavourable and rude personality traits, I can't help but be upset by it. The more I become aware of everything in my own life, the more I get annoyed at everyone else. The price you pay in the search for the self, huh?

And Mouth certainly upsets me in every way. The fact that she thinks she is right, and that there is nothing wrong with her, makes me want to set her straight all the more. But I can't do that without starting World War 3. Oh how I wish for the day when I can reveal to her some unexpected news. When she asks, shocked "I didn't know that!" I will respond with "maybe because you never asked me," and just leave that wondering, lingering thought in her head, to play with.

Sigh. I just need to work out how to not let her get to me. And perhaps a few (or a couple hundred) subtle remarks about her behaviour will somehow help me to get the point across. That her personality is not the best (said in the most diplomatic fashion).

Oh yes. Guess what Mouth was talking about so much on the weekend. Her at MY wedding.

Again now. HER at MY wedding.

We were watching the video at her house, and she barely, barely, barely said anything about me. It was all "Oh look at my dress, it was so hard to dance in," "you can see my backbones!" (and your point is?!?!) "oh I'm doing that now....." and so on. She did say that I made a nice speech at the reception, however that was only because Hubbie had said it first, and she probably felt she had to agree in order not to look like a completely rude and obnoxious person, which she still ended up looking like! It absolutely boils me to my core. You're talking about yourself and only yourself while watching my wedding video. I think there is such a thing as human kindness and considering others, and especially if you are viewing someone else's special day, I find it quite inappropriate to gas bag about yourself the entire time.

Human decency people. We all know that we watch ourselves while on tape. But to speak it out loud everytime you see yourself, and then to not ONCE, out of your own initiative, be so kind as to praise the person whose special day you were attending, because if not for them you wouldn't be there, wellllllllllll!

That's why I use the words selfish, self-absorbed, self-involved, self freaking EVERYTHING!

Good segway to the wedding video though.

Yeah. The wedding video.

Sigh again.

I don't know. Maybe I had super high expectations, due to my everyday work organising and critiquing every single damn program on tv. Yes it is a good job thank you. But then again maybe not, as I am feeling very dissatisfied with the wedding video results. But, even with that in mind, I'm still slightly disappointed by some parts of it. I mean, I could have done a better job.

There were some parts the videographer missed. Some things he could've done differently, better. Other things he could have edited better. And all of that, just by pure, common and practical video/editing style-sense, without a heartbeat, I would have known how to do it better.

I may not have all the technical experience. Some I have, but not all. But that can be learned. The vision though, comes more naturally, and that comes to me so easily. I don't know if my work has anything to do with that, but nontheless I have it.

He missed a part of a dance with my sister at the reception. The kiss in the church, he filmed from an angle that made it impossible to see my face. He says it was due to the positioning of the priest, but I believe he could have moved around and gotten a better shot. He missed the start of a traditional dance at the reception, where I started off dancing with Hubbie, then continued with both my parents. He missed them. Luckily for him they all danced with me at the end of the dance, but that's not much consolation to my enraged Dad.

Some of the editing between shots, in particular my house in the morning, have cuts rather than fades. He's placed some cuts between shots and some fades between shots. I have no idea why he wouldn't have put ALL fades, seeing as the background music in all the shots is of the live accordian we had there. I don't know why he wouldn't realise that to cut to one part of a song to another would seem a bit jumpy. Fades between that could have fixed all that, made it smoother.

No proper title menu's either. No nice moving image of Hubbie and I, followed by a chapter selection. No. Just a crappy little photo of us, and then you press play.

He said that was due to a new program he was using. Rather than have good menu's and lesser quality video, we had crappy menus and better quality videos. I know it's a minor thing, but our engagement dvd menu looks soooo much better. This one is just so plain and ordinary and you know what? As minor as it may be, it is the finishing touch on the dvd. I really truly believe so. And not having that finishing touch, along with any of the above recommended adjustments, I don't know, I just feel so, so.......

Sad.

Sigh.

I got sad. Then I got angry. I thought and thought and thought.

"I could have done a better job."

Then I thought some more. Who says I couldn't do a better job? If not right now for me, then for someone in the future.....

And so I got to thinking. Of Me, Myself and I, Miss S, director, producer and editor extraordinaire, creating timeless, perfect pieces of wedding videos, for beautiful couples to love, appreciate and cherish forever.

Accompanied ('hired' by me) by a cameraman of course.

If I won the lottery tomorrow, I swear I would invest in the highest quality, best state of the art editing and video equipment, and start my own business tomorrow. Enrol in a few programs, read a few books, and ta-da! All ready. Like I said I have the vision, therefore I need to do only a few things and touch-up on a few areas, in order to become the most successful wedding videographer this world has seen, as seen in MY HEAD.

Sigh again. But then I remember. Remember my other vision. That of being the most extraordinary writer this world has ever seen (ummm, along with every other blogger IN THE WORLD!)

I had such a strong vision a while back, I even wrote about it in a post. However, like an episode of How I Met Your Mother that I saw a while back, I'm becoming a bit too like Ted in regards to living out my dream.

In the episode, I think Ted is trying to start his own business, and rather than actually doing something proactive about it, he hires an assistant to help him on his way and organise everything for him, before he's actually achieved anything. He puts off actually starting any work, as he wants too much to have everything perfect before he commences with the next step.

And I'm soooo feeling him right now.

I guess every aspiring writer has a dream of writing the ultimate, next big hit. I have a dream of writing a saga, that would eventually eventuate into a television series. However I have so many things I wanna do first. I have never studied writing professionally. I would wanna study up on that first. I need to develop my characters first, live them, breathe them, know every single little part of them before I write about them. I need to develop ongoing storylines.

It's just that I can't possibly achieve all that I want to achieve without giving in a little, and giving up something in return. I can't help it though, I want it all. I want to edit. To write. To read all books and watch all movies. To have some 'me' time and just unwind when I want. To have couple time with Hubbie and I. To see my family, my friends. To cook. To exercise damn it, because I haven't done any of it this year.

Sigh sigh sigh.

What makes me feel better is that, much like my video creating vision, with my writing, again, I've GOT it.

You can teach someone to use the right words, teach them grammar and how to spell, talk about storylines and all of that other stuff, but at the end of the day, they've got to have it. They've got to know how to express emotion. Know how to convey feeling and tone, to make you laugh, cry, and what I believe most importantly, make you fall in love with the characters.

So, as I conclude my long-winded I-don't-know anything speel, hopefully you're beginning to realise, why, simply, I JUST DON'T KNOW.

So many questions with no answers.

Hey, you know what would be great? Next time I see Mouth and by the odd miracle that a pig happens to fly by, she'll ask me "what's new with you?"

AND I'LL REPLY,

"Well I've actually just launched my own videography business, just shot a couple of weddings on the weekend actually. Oh yeah, it's going quite well, my first few clients have referred me to others, and I'm already booked up 'til the end of next year. It's going to be a bit hard, but mainly lots of fun and really interesting, because I'm also finishing the draft of my 10th book, part of a serial which is actually in the current top 10 selling books of the year. There's talk that it's going to be developed into a television series too, I just don't know which network is going to show it, as they're all still fighting over the rights. I'll make sure the integrity of the work transfers to screen though, as I'm negotiating and my demands thus far are to retain creative control of the work and all those who are hired to act on it, as well as be the main over see-er when it comes to general directing, producing and editing of the show. Other than that, um, not much else."

(Insert stunned mullet face).

!

So EXCITED!!!! I think I might spontaneously combust

For more than one reason.




Firstly, my initial feeling of combustion comes from the very good news that Hubbie is picking up our wedding video today!

YAY!

It has been a year and 3 months-ish in waiting, and my gosh, although I KNEW that this dude was gonna take long editing the video, and I TRIED to be patient, it was really, really hard.

So the fact that at 11am today Hubbie had an appointment to see him, and now as I'm writing this it is precisely 11.26am, I am getting very squirmish, constantly looking at my mobile while at work, and waiting for that all important message to say "we've got it."

I've made Hubbie promise not to watch it until we watch it together. This will prove very hard for him for 2 reasons:

A: He is currently on leave, and has the whole day off while I'm at work.

B: We can't even watch it tonight, because I won't be home.



So he needs to keep himself from watching it 'til tomorrow morning, in the meantime with the full knowledge that he could watch it, as he has the WHOLE day off, and I wouldn't know.

It's very nerve-wracking for me, as I've begged him for the last few days since we found out we were getting it today, that he must not, under any circumstance, watch it without me.

I mean come on. I think that is relatively fair, given that it's our wedding video, that for the first time we should watch it together. He really didn't like this argument, and strongly opposed this idea at first, saying he should at least be able to watch the wedding morning at his house, and then we would watch the rest together.

But it just won't do! It won't be the same! I want us to be able to watch it for the first time together, and have it be a joint, loving, couple-y, together-ly thing we do because WE'RE married and it's our wedding video!

I don't think I'm being selfish. I don't think I'm asking for too much..... right?

No of course not. It's the video for goodness sakes. It's a BIG thing.

But generally, and overwhelmingly, it's exciting :-D I can't wait to see how our big day looks like on screen, and I really would like to remember more of the reception, as sooo much of that night is such a blur.



My second feeling of combustion comes from my girls :) My darling besties, Red and Blonde, of who I am going out with tonight. Blonde and I amongst others are going to watch Red perform in a dance concert, and then following that we're all going out to dance and drink and party:) Hence why Hubbie will be staring down the wedding DVD tonight while I'm out somewhere getting stupid.

Not in a bad way, but since Hubbie isn't coming, and since it's us '3,' I'm crossing my fingers that Red's boy, Mr Wine doesn't follow us out. He probably won't. Just because I can feel it being a really good girls night, and seeing as Blonde is going back to the U.S on Monday, this will be the last time we really get to party with her until who knows when she comes back again.

No boys allowed. Chicks only :)

LOL.

I will now go back to work and continue with my feelings of spontaneous combustion.

POP BANG POP BANG POP.