Speculating about the Ordinary

I haven’t been blogging so much as of late. There’s so much going on in my life, and so you might say ‘oh yeah you’re busy.’ It happens in blog world. There are times where you get all hyped up and blog like crazy, constantly looking around you for blog inspiration, to the point where you’re at work, doing the best blogging you’ve ever done in your life, completely forgetting to do any actual work.




With all the busy-ness, you’d think that when I actually do get time, that I’d have something to write about. No, nothing.



I was thinking about it yesterday. There is so much going on in my life, and I finally made the effort to link the two together after a convo I was having with Hubbie yesterday. I was telling him how after seeing my relos on the weekend, I was hanging for the day when I could say “BLAH, BLAH, BLAH!”



Well, not as such those words. But whenever they ask me “so, what’s new?” All I want to say is EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING has been going on. Instead I go “ahh, not much.”



All the life-changing things that are going on, the things that Hubbie and I plan for, and talk about, my deepest secrets and plans, all of it, are things that I’m not telling anyone. Actually no I lie. The one thing that a small circle of people know about is my book. And whoever has read about it in the blogger-verse, but that I don’t really count that because no one knows who I actually am, and I want to keep it that way. :)



My book. I can’t wait to start this new chapter of my life, (pardon the pun) and move on from this job. I’m so over it. Ok, I’m putting it out there: I’M SO OVER IT. I want to be my own boss, do my own thing, and make my passion, my work, my job. Wouldn’t that be the most glorious thing? Going to work in the morning (down the stairs at home or to the local café which our friends own with my laptop) and doing what I love - writing -all day every day? Having that freedom, to live life as I want – that’s what I aspire to. That’s the dream.



And I just want it to be out there! I’ve finished the second draft, I’m doing fixes, but I feel like I have no time, I need solid blocks of free time to do all my read-throughs and make sure everything connects. I can’t wait to send it out, I seriously can’t wait.



And I can’t wait to scream out to the world: I am an author! But until things are settled, and until it’s actually happening, I need to be patient, and take my time – do things properly.



So in the meantime I say to people “hmm, not much.”



And on top of that, I feel like I have even less reason to blog, because I’ve started a kind of a diary – I did consider making it into another blog, but due to the contents and my hopeful plans for it, I’m keeping it on the low, for now.



Writing book + writing secret journal = not too much time for random blog.



And so you can see why the hell I can’t say anything. It’s so annoying!



“So yeah, I’ve been busy.”



“With what?”



“Ahh, can’t say. Oh there’s – nope can’t tell you that either. Oh and - nope sorry.”



That’s the bullshit conversation I want to avoid.



I feel so boring around other people, yet my insides want to burst with excitement. It’s hard. Hubbie and I have things we’re hoping for, and we have things we’re kind of guessing on, but until certain things actually develop and certain circumstances come into fruition, we’ve been standing around, kind of in a state of nothingness, smiling and nodding, saying “Oh, good!”



But our day will come. Too right it will.